At Least She Was Having Fun

If it's not one thing its another. This week has been so depressing. We are broke. I mean digging in the couch hoping to find a few pennies to put gas in our cars broke. Luckily we have food and have paid all our bills. Payday is coming up so this is temporary, well at east until the day before the next payday. I really want pop. I admit it I have an addiction to the bubbly nectar that comes in many size containers. I haven had any for three days now. I am craving it as I type this.

We don't use credit cards, and try to pay cash for everything. Many times we have to pass on things we want because we just can't afford them. Someday I will go back to work full-time and it will be easier then. But now we live paycheck to paycheck and still try to find activities we can afford that the kids will enjoy.

We thought that our daughter would love soccer. She has been begging to play soccer for over a year. We told her that she could when she was four. When she turned four she wanted us to sign her up right then and there. We somehow managed to get her to wait until the Spring League started in our city. When I told her I had signed her up to be on a team with her brother she was jumping up and down. We took her out for her precious pink soccer socks and shin pads and she smiled so much I thought her checks would hurt.

Then she played her first game, it was cold and she was unsure and she would have nothing to do with it. She played only when daddy was holding her hand. Today was practice and we thought she would be more sure of herself and practice like before. No such luck. She was lying down and rolling al over the field and would try to hide when the coach talked to her.

It pains me to say that my first reaction was to think of the money we spent for her to be on the soccer team and of course for those fancy pink socks. I felt so bad as soon as the thought went through my mind.

I have to say that she still was having fun and the coach was so good with her, not pushing to much and not making her feel bad because she wasn't participating. If you didn't know she was on the team you would think she was a sibling of one of the players on the team who was having a blast just rolling around the field. She did go back to participating at the end of practice.

I wish I didn't have the thought of wasted money during practice. I wish my family had a schedule that would allow me to look for part time work. When I think his schedule is consistent enough that I can get a job around it they go and change his hours and make it harder for me to get a job. I have had to turn down two jobs so far because the hours wouldn't work with his schedule.

So we are broke and searching for pennies. We return pop bottles to get snacks for the kids so they don't know how bad it is. We struggle to get by and sometimes I don;t know if we will. I will sign my daughter up for Irish Step Dance lessons this summer and hope she likes that more than soccer. I dream of my next bottle of pop and hope we can at least buy a pizza this weekend.

Walk for Autism

Yesterday was the Walk for Autism. It was a little over 3 miles long and I was looking forward to walking. Then I found out that hubby was working and I was going to have both children with me that day. I knew my son could handle the walk, he would complain but he could do it. my daughter however was the wild-card. I thought she could do it, but wasn't sure. I could have loaded up the wagon, but my trunk was too small and I wasn't driving his car.

We had mere minutes between the soccer game that morning and when we had to leave for the walk. Somehow in that time I managed to get the kids changed into new outfits and refill the water bottle then get a snack in. I felt like super mommy. To the walk we went. Both kids were excited and when we pulled into the parking lot were even more excited. There was a huge playground and lots of things for children to do.

I found out where registration was and as we approached who saw Sabertooth. The kids were yelling hello to Sabertooth and of course he couldn't hear them, it was crowded and noisy and he was a bit of a distance away. That didn't stop them from trying to get his attention and after a few moments it paid off. Sabertooth came up to my children like they were old friends, he scooped up my daughter into his fuzzy arms and held on tight. Her brother attached himself to the mascot with a huge bear hug. It was like a reunion of old friends. In the moment I managed to get my camera out and get a photo of the reunion.



We got registered and received our t-shirts and a canvas bag. I wanted to change into the shirt, the kids only had eyes for the playground. It was like they were being pulled towards it by a tractor beam. I let them win this round, it was a pretty cool playground. If I were a child I would be all about the playground too.

The first task was to figure out how to get into the playground. The school had put child safe gates into the fence around the playground. Usually that means the kids know how to open them and it's the adults that have problems figuring out how to open them. It took about 4 - 5 adults to open the gate and even then we did it wrong (I figured out the correct way later on). The first step into the playground was onto a cushioned surface to walk on. It was so comfortable to walk on that I felt like I could bounce on it.



They were off, one went this way and the other went that way. Mommy was barely a thought in their heads. He found an obstacle course complete with a rock wall and she had found a slide. The joy on their faces was beautiful to look at. I found a bench to sit on as I watched them play. They played with all the other children like they had been friends forever. The children were on the autism spectrum and neurotypical. It was wonderful to watch.



Then of course we had to make a potty stop before the walk started. No Mommy we don't have to go, we want to play in the playground. The battle I had to fight to get them to leave the playground was intense, but as usual Mommy wins. Yes, they did need to use the potty they realized and I got a chance to put on the T-Shirt. The walk was about to start and somehow we managed to stumble upon the front of the line as we left the building. The walk had begun and so had the complaints.

The walk was to long, we weren't walking fast enough, people were passing us, the birds were ducks not geese, why are people turning around, we want to rest, we want a break, I'm hungry, I'm thirsty... I would often just reply with I love you because I knew it was difficult for them. Somehow we all managed to complete the walk and make it back for lunch.


(They were geese)

After we ate the playground beckoned again and the kids played on everything as long as they were allowed to. It is no exaggeration that I say we were one of the last families to leave. While I was watching them play one little boy adopted me and would sit next to me and scoot closer and closer to me. He would give me hugs and constantly walk up to me. It was adorable. I get so mad when people assume that children with autism are all distant and don't interact with other people. That is the case sometimes but just as often it's not.

The Punishment Doesn't Fit The Crime

I am so upset right now. For some reason my spouse feels a reasonable punishment for not getting dressed quickly enough is sending a six year old to his room for the whole day. He started this "punishment" at 11 am and refuses to stand down. The only saving grace is he knows I won't stand for it and he is standing guard. That way he has a punishment too. If my son has to stay in his room all day, then so does his father.

I tried to get him to see how unreasonable this punishment was and he refuses to see any reason. He is determined to keep his son in his room all day long. He makes up these punishments to benefit himself in my opinion. He doesn't like to read bedtime stories and so he will take away bedtime stories as fast as he can for any little thing wrong the kids do at bedtime.

Today is his one day in the week where he can spend time with the kids. So what does he do the first chance he can, he separates himself from his son for the whole day by sequestering him into his room all day long. At least I have managed to make him spend time with him. I may not have been able to reduce the punishment but I made sure that daddy has to feel the punishment too. I hope what ever sport is on today that he wanted to watch is mostly missed.

We have been doing so much better lately, this came out of the blue and I am once again pondering our future. I will not allow more of these punishments. A six year old does not deserver to be grounded to his room for a whole day because he didn't get dressed fast enough. I have to deal with that every school day morning and I have no problem getting him to get dressed. It takes me standing over him and instructing him what to do, but it gets done.

Soccer Stars

Today was the children's first soccer game of the year. The sky was overcast and there was a nip in the air. I was so happy when I found a blanket in my car trunk. The teams were Lt Blue (us) vs Dk Blue. My son scored the first two goals of the game. He was trilled and you could tell that he was excited about that just by looking at him.



You could definitely see the difference between the two of them while watching the game. She wanted almost nothing to do with the game. The poor thing was cold and shy. She went on the field holding on to Daddy with a death grip. He then found himself in the middle of the game. The ref was okay with it though. He must not have been the first parent literally dragged into the game by their child.



my son however wanted to be on the field at all times. Even when he was on the bench he had to be reminded not to jump into the game. He ended up scoring 12 goals. He clearly was the best player in the game. He was too good. By the end of the game he was playing defense to allow other players a chance. Instead of a Hat Trick we joked that he scored a Pat Trick.

My Comedy of Errors

Have you ever had a day or two that seems like it is suited for the movies or a sitcom. This week definitely was made for TV. Another way to describe the past couple days is a comedy of errors.

Let's start with Wednesday. I was enjoying a nice quiet afternoon at home when it happened, (insert dramatic music here). I was using my laptop and I got a low power warning. I only had a 10% charge on it, I looked the charger was plugged in and connected to the computer, the LED light that tells me that it's working however is off. I tried the usual repair method, I juggled the cord. Sadly that didn't work. I unplugged it and let it cool down before plugging it in again, nope still nothing. I plugged it into different wall outlets in case the outlet was out,this too didn't help.

So I call Apple and decided when talking with a tech to replace the charger. They assured me I will have it within one to two days (remember this in Wednesday). So I think to myself how much I will miss my laptop and will have to muddle through sharing the desktop with Dennis. I get an email telling me the part has shipped and I see it goes from Pennsylvania (next to New York State) to go to Tennessee. I figure I will have it the next day because it would probably arrive by airplane.

I get my iTouch out because I can connect to the internet with it, it is a much smaller screen but at least I wouldn't have to fight with my spouse for computer time. It won't turn on so naturally I charge it. I assumed it was out of power. I go back to get it a while later and see an Apple symbol on the screen. This isn't usual and I know something is wrong. I pick it up and it is hot to the touch. Then the screen goes blank and the iTouch is no more. So on the same day my laptop can't be charged and my iTouch isn't working.

Thursday I wake up and check Fed Ex to see if my charger is going to be delivered. It is still in Tennessee. I figure maybe it just hasn't been updated yet, I have had a few shipments of various things that the Tracking was updated until after it was delivered. In the afternoon I see a Fed Ex truck park outside my house and I am so excited. The driver went to another house, slowly walked empty handed back to his truck and starts to pull away. What are the odds another person on my street, specifically across the street from my house would get a Fed Ex delivery when I was expecting a package?

I keep checking and it is Tennessee all day. I call Apple about my iTouch and get an appointment to go to the store to have them look at the iTouch. So now I have a second day without my toys. I think I am going through withdrawal. I want the use of my electronics back ASAP. How did I even survive before I had a laptop and iTouch?

Today I was up and see that the charger is still in Tennessee and now I am upset. It definitely shouldn't take this long. Then I see a second e-mail for Apple. The part is now in California. Now that is so not in the correct direction. It is one of the farthest points it could have been from New York State. I also see that the email says the repair is complete. Oh no it isn't I say (of course I am talking to myself like usual).

I called up Apple for the third time in three days. They find out the shipping label fell off in transit. I have shipped items with UPS and Fed Ex and have found the labels to be pretty much fall off proof. They will resend the part and we go through all the steps to get it. Now I am almost late for my appointment about the iTouch. I get my daughter all strapped in to her car seat and I realize my keys are in my locked house.

Of course they are, it just goes with the way the last few days went. I manage to get in and retrieve my keys and now I am late for my appointment. Deep breaths I keep telling myself, I am going to get the iTouch repaired I just bought it so it is under warranty. I just have to wait a bit to get it back.

Did you know that there is a strip in an iTouch that changes color if it gets exposed to a lot of water? I do because the Apple guy showed me it. He said that the unit was SUBMERGED in water, not by me it wasn't. All I have to say is the my daughter is lucky that I don't know for sure if she did it and that I was in a very public place when I found out about it. They then inform me that it would cost me $199.00 to replace it. Now that is significantly less than the original purchase price, but it just isn't my budget anytime soon to proceed with the replacement.



On the way home I go to McDonald's and they forget to give me my complete order and no straw either . I totally forget to get my daughter soccer shin pads for her game tomorrow. No shin pads means that she can't play. I find out that a gift that I sent a friend of mine didn't get to her. I shipped her an empty box. It was a pretty box but it was supposed to have two bracelets inside of it. I go to where I put the extra pretty sparkly silver boxes and they are gone. This time I know my daughter has them. Of course she claims she doesn't have them and a battle of wills was fought. At least I won that battle.

Tomorrow I have a soccer game in the morning and a three mile walk afterwards. I can only hope that it will be a good day and break this comedy of errors pattern that this week has thrown at me.

Tarot Treasure

Recently I was given a special gift. Someone I had never met gave me a collection of books, Tarot Decks, Fairy Decks. In that collection of books were many that I have always wanted to read and just could never afford. This gift came while I was in a crossroads and believe that because of this amazing gift I took the path that I was meant to take.

This gift has motivated me to pick up my studies again. I found a new teacher and know this collection of books will be very handy as I learn.



One of the Tarot Decks I received was my favorite deck. I was given the Celtic Dragon Tarot for my graduation from college. I kept the card with me at all times they were that special to me. When I tried to use a smaller purse (big mistake, no matter how many times I try a smaller purse I end up with a huge purse. I just have to face the facts I am a large purse person.) That deck was kept out of the new purse.

My son has asperger's we know that now. He is lacking impulse control often and that day was one of the days he decided to find out what was in the pretty blue bag that mommy always carries around. I still remember the sinking feeling in my stomach when I walked in to find him playing with my cards. One of the cards was never seen again. He eventually found two more of my decks and would find them no matter where I hid them. It was like he was drawn to them

Now we know he has a fixation on cards and we will buy the cheap decks of cards for him. Sometimes at a garage sale I will buy a game that is missing pieces so he can play with the cards. Now that I know he has asperger's I take special care of things I value. I love my son, I know his limitations and I know mine.

Now once the kids go to bed I take the cards out and practice with them. I learned my lesson and am so thankful I got a second chance with this deck and a first chance with many other beautiful decks. They are valued and loved and locked up to protect them.

The Parade

Today my Cub Scout Pack walked in our Memorial Day Parade. I had forgotten how torturous it is while waiting our turn to begin. First we all met at the Elk Lodge. Some of the boys were upset that they couldn't ride on the float, but that is a Boy Scout rule not mine. One of the boys found a bullet and I made sure it was not going home with him. How would that conversation go if something went wrong?

Then we walked and walked to get to the starting point. Oops we were going to the wrong spot so we turned around and went back to where we started. One of the vehicles turned there and the other didn't. Well, we practiced our what to do in the woods if your lost, stay in one spot, technique and it worked. The float came back and told us to go to to another location. If we had known that originally then we could have been there already.

So we walked some more and got to where we were supposed to be and still couldn't find them, we found a break in the parade and crossed the street. Soon we stumbled upon them and we were so relieved. Then of course we realized that we had quite a wait before we started. It was enough time for a game of tag, a snack and time for more confusion of when we start.

Grandma (my Mom) had my little girl. She was pampered on that float. She got a nice hair style, a cushy spot to sit and all the cold water she wanted to drink.

Daddy led the Elks by holding the flag like usual.

Then we finally started. There was a lot of starting and stopping and walking. We even had a little razzle dazzle (think Stripes) when the Cubs switched sides so that parents and grandparents could see them better.

Sure there was some complaining, it was a long wait, there also was a lot of fun. The Pack exchanged salutes with members of the military and other's watching the parade and we had cheers all along the route. People were trilled to see a Cub Scout Pack marching in the parade. We would have people ask us where we were out of and what Pack # we were.

Next year we will have a Pack Flag and will have flyers announcing where we meet and when, Hopefully we can get a few new scouts from this. We also will have a pre parade activity to occupy the boys while we wait for our turn in the parade to avoid the look of despair that I saw on my son's face. I think I will also get better shoes too.

Frustration

Today I woke up and thought it would be a great day. I had no plans and the kids were playing nicely with each other. My husband was as always camped out on the couch watching some sport or another. Then my bubble burst my daughter runs in and announces that her brother is coloring her with food coloring. I try not to keep things like food dye in the house where the kids will find them. So I hid the food dye in the glove compartment of my car. That was a place they never looked, until today that is.

So her left arm form the elbow down is green. I don't mean splotches of green, I mean solid, Incredible Hulk green. Instead of overreacting I walkaway and look up removing food dye from skin on the computer. The first link I found mentioned toothpaste. So I go into the bathroom and get her daddy out of there, he is just yelling and making it worse, I grab the toothpaste and wash her arm with it.

It worked. They smell minty fresh too. The toothpaste is all gone but the Hulk look is also gone. The story doesn't get any better though at this point. I get in the car to get more toothpaste and I notice the four small american flags I bought yesterday are gone.

I asked my husband where they were and he said casually that the kids took them into the back yard. Again I take a deep breath. If infuriated me that he was so casual about the kids playing with something they weren't allowed to. I had hoped that they would have some respect for the flag. I simply asked that they be put back where they belonged by the time I got home. I thought that was something he could handle.

It was at least an hour later that I came home. I pulled into the driveway to see no flags where they belonged. I pulled into the backyard and it was a wreck. Now Mommy is MAD. I had the kids come outside and find the flags and pick up the yard. Then when I came inside I asked their father why the flags weren't where they belonged. His reply — "Well I asked them to do it." Like that was all it would take. He asked and never checked to see if it was done, he didn't even ask about it until I came home.

Of course by now chaos was approaching fast. When I get to upset I shutdown and I try to prevent that from happening. But when he gets upset he just tells you over and over again what you did to get him upset until you are just as mad as he is. Then he is done and sits down and can't understand why you are so upset.

I am so frustrated by days like this. I am a single parent in a two person house. Maybe it would be easier without him, I will have one less person to watch and parent. It's frustrating to be a wife to someone that you keep parenting. It's frustrating parenting an adult over and over again. Eventually I will have enough, I probably should have had enough by now.

Three Weeks of Excellent Behavior

My son walked out of school today and I could tell he was looking for me. As soon as he saw me he ran up to me gave me a huge hug. He then announced that he had a green day, and three full green weeks at school. Since he started to take his meds his behavior has been amazing.

The difference has been so noticeable that the principal has even noticed and teachers from other grades have also. There have been other differences as well. I can read his handwriting again. He also is coloring much neater. I see that he stays within the lines and is taking time to pick put colors that complement the picture that he is coloring.

The hard part is coming up. His teacher is recommending that he take summer classes in reading and writing. He missed a lot this year when he wasn't on his meds and his work was sloppy and done so quickly that he probably didn't get much out of it. The class is optional and he really doesn't want to do it.

I want him to do it for the same reasons his teacher wants him too. I don't know which way his daddy will vote on this subject. It is summer and I know he will want to be out and have fun, but it is just the mornings. The afternoons would be for fun, hopefully in the sun.

He also will have to miss a few days near the end of the course because we will be camping. I would imagine that we are not the only family with summer plans that might have children in the program. I know when I had to take summer school there were times that students couldn't be there because of pre-planned vacations.

Hopefully the combination of the meds and summer school if he goes will allow him to catch up with his class so next year when he starts school it will be a more even playing field. Hopefully next year I will not worry as much when school begins. I see that he can be a good student. I have seen that he knows how to behave in school. When he is given the chance with his meds he is a well mannered well behaved little boy. His three weeks of green days has shown me that I have been doing a good job as a mommy too.

Good Time at the Book Fair

Tonight we went to a book fair. This is something that has always caused friction between us. I am a reader. I love books, I need books. To me it is unthinkable not to have books all around me. He has no interest in literature. He challenges me almost every time I buy books because in his mind they are unnecessary and something that is frivolous.

The children have a library, it takes up several book shelves and as often as the kids pick out books to read, they also use the books as toys. They stack them and play school. They use the books as plates for a pretend restaurant and also for the menus. The book can be almost anything. To me that is using their imagination, to him they are a source of clutter and a mess. Often they are, but they are never collecting dust and I watch them page through the books trying to read them and every night we read a pile or two of books. Books are a huge part of my house.

The book fair was buy one book get one book free. How can I pass that up? Before I even get there I anticipate the trill of new books for the children. It is always nice to introduce a new book to the children. Then I recall all the other book fairs we have been to. The complaining about spending money on books, the feeling of aggravation because I have to limit the kids to just a few books when it is clear to me they want more. It is so hard to say no to books.

One of the things I did differently was wearing the right clothes. When you walk into a situation that most likely aggravate you, you don't want to be overheated because you are wearing the wrong outfit. The school is always to warm for me and I always get annoyed extra fast because I usually forget that it will be to warm. It may seem like nothing but I know if I am annoyed that I am too warm any little thing can set me off.

Still some sort of effort had to be made by him. P picked out two things (not books, though the deal was if he got them then I would pick out two books for him) and paid. Then B found her two books and paid. Then I found the books for P and a couple bonus books (the educational ones of course). Not once did he complain out loud. He didn't roll him eyes. He was actually pleasant.

So tonight we read brand new books. We learned a bit about South Carolina too. We enjoyed the books and not once did I get grief from him about spending our money stupidly. Not once did we even bicker a little bit. So I firmly believe that both of us are putting some effort into us. Still we are in separate rooms I the house and I still sleep alone. I hope this is a step back to us.