Mean

Taylor Swift has a song that speaks to me.

Mean Lyrics

You, with your words like knives
And swords and weapons that you use against me
You, have knocked me off my feet again
Got me feeling like a nothing
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard
Calling me out when I’m wounded
You, picking on the weaker man
Well you can take me down
With just one single blow

But you don’t know what you don’t know

Someday I’ll be living in a big ole city
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Someday I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides
And your walk by lies
And your humiliation
You, have pointed out my flaws again
As if I don’t already see them
I walk with my head down
Tying to block you out
Cause I’ll never impress you
I just want to fell okay again
I’ll bet you got pushed around
Somebody made you cold
But the cycle ends right now
Cause you can’t lead me down that road
And you don’t know what you don’t know

Someday I’ll be living in a big ole city
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Someday I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean
http://www.elyricsworld.com/mean_lyrics_taylor_swift.html
Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see it years from now in a bar
Talking over a football game
With that same loud opinion
But nobody’s listening
Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things
Drunk and roaming all about how I can’t sing
But all you are is mean

All you are is mean
And a liar
And pathetic
And alone in life
And mean (x5)

But someday I’ll be living in a big ole city
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean

Yeah

Someday I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?

Someday I’ll be living in a big ole city
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Someday I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?

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The only difference is I would be living in the country.

This weekend has been rough. He is mad at me again for things I have done long ago. He woke me up this morning so he could go to bed. That would have been okay and not bad at all except he had to do it with attitude, screaming, hitting the door and then when he got his way and I was up he stormed out of the house with the car that I needed today.

He doesn't know how to make up. honestly if I think about it, and I do, I can't think of any time when we made up after a fight. He doesn't believe he is wrong so he won't say "I'm sorry". It is just so exhausting and emotionally draining for me. If I point out how I feel. If I try to get him to see that he is like this he can't see it.

I am looking for a job, still nothing. I look for a home for the kids and I to move to and can't see how I can move if I can't afford a place to live. I look at our wonderfully huge backyard and the sprouts growing waiting to be planted, do I set up the gardens?

I went out shopping the other night. The Easter Bunny needed supplies. Bedtime when there is no school is 9:00 pm. The routine is established and it works. I came home at 10:30 pm. I had the good sense to leave the bags in the driveway. Why? Because I know that he does what he wants to do when he wants to do it and time really is meaningless in his world.

I see my son playing hockey in the kitchen wearing just his underpants. I walk into the livingroom and my daughter is wearing just stockings and is watching tv. He is sitting in the corner in front of the computer. I was mad, I yelled, and I got the kids ready for bed. All he cared about was how much money I spent. He stormed off then too. He is good at getting me upset and them running away.

On Easter he yelled at me about things I did months ago.

I have been very good at staying away from him. If he is in the livingroom I go upstairs. He sleeps on the couch and I am okay with that. If we could just not interact it would be perfect.