Thoughts and observations of my life as I am going through mid-life changes. I am a mom dealing with depression, a child with Asperger's, an abusive ex-husband, plus moving back home with my parents to help take care of them and now my grandmother and both parent's death in just a fourteen month timespan. Simply put my house is full of chaos. As I start to walk this new path I will leave a trail of stories for you to follow. Thanks for traveling with me.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Legos on the Bathroom Wall
Sometimes I just have to laugh and wonder. Like tonight, I walked into our bathroom and there on the wall was a lego base. The kind that is a base for dreams made of Legos. On another wall of course in another base. I never would have thought of putting these items on a wall. Then I wonder why? I don't think I want to know. The science geek in me knows why they are stuck to the wall. The Mom in me just shakes her head and smiles. Of course my son would stick legos to the bathroom wall. I had bought them for my son this past Christmas thinking he would use them with his Legos. Not once have I seen him use them this way.
I love that he comes up with new ways to use the bases. I don't think I have ever seen him use them the "right" way. To him this is the right way. I wonder what the dialog inside of his head sounds like or looks like? His world is a wonderful place sometimes. I love to try seeing the world through his eyes.
Earlier today we went on a small journey. I was picking up some worms to start my worm bin up again. You know things any mom would do. He wanted to come wit me which is unusual. Usually he wants to stay home and play. He had an ulterior motive he wanted to stop at the store. Moms take what they can so I brought him along.
I call it a journey because that is what it became. We started on the highway and ran into a traffic jam. Another accident up ahead so I took the exit. I knew how to get to our destination following secondary roads I just was hoping to get there faster.
We were chatting about this and that and we stopped at a red light on a bridge. Off to the side was a creek. Lately we have had a lot of rain and the water was high. We could hear the churning and rushing of the water. He noticed a dam and was very interested in it. So on the way back I said we would stop in the park and watch the waterfall.
I wish I had brought my camera. I can only wonder what the photos would have looked like. The impromptu stop in the park turned into a magnificent journey for both of us. For me I saw the park through a child's eyes. For him it was a place of wonderment and excitement.
On the way back I turned off the main road to go to the park. My thought was we would drive by the park and see the waterfall from the window. He was looking out the window and was excited to see a waterfall in the middle of a city. The idea of a waterfall right next to so much hustle and bustle was almost unbelievable. But we had been to this park before so somewhere in his thoughts he knew it was because he had experienced it all before.
I could almost feel the anticipation. We were driving by and, NO!!!! I had forgotten there were barriers blocking the view. Most likely to keep drive-by accidents from happening. The view would easily turn a drivers head and cause many fender benders. Disappointment now, it was audible and crushing. He had his heart on seeing the waterfall and now I had to make sure he did.
When I was married we had our wedding photos taken at this park, and we have been there as a family since. I knew there was a parking lot. Ack, I couldn't find it. The park is small, it is a surprise to me that I can't find the lot. Where could it be. This dialog was in my head and it felt like so much time was passing. Then I saw it, and we pulled in.
The sky was grey and was leaking infrequent drips. The wind was picking up and I had neglected to bring my coat. I was wrongly thinking that we would walk to the bridge and look at the waterfall and then back into the car. We had to get home so Daddy could go to work. We walked to the road and crossed. He had a moment of panic when a distant car turned onto the road. He gripped my hand as I encouraged him to cross. The car was still very far away and would not even get to the bridge by the time that we crossed.
As we walk closer to the waterfall I draw his attention to the sensations all around us. "What do you hear?" I ask and he says he hears the water rushing which was the primary sound. "What else?" He hears the traffic and he hears the wind. Then I point out the light sound of birds singing happily all around us. I see his face light up as he tunes into the music they are producing and his smile is infectious.
We come up to the bridge and through the trees he can almost see our goal. There is a path next to him an he breaks away from me almost running into the park. I still was in the mindset that we would see the waterfall and then back to the car. That was unbeknownst to me this was no longer an option.
I herded him back to the bridge and we start crossing it. He can now see the rushing bubbling roaring brown water.
This is not the gentle flowing creek he has encountered in the past. He does recall wading in the creek a few years ago. The water that day was slow moving and welcoming on a hot day. We caught bugs and butterflies and explored the trails.
He is holding onto my hand with a death grip, He worries that I will drop the car keys into the churning torrents just inches away from us. The water is so high that a secondary waterfall, normally visible at the foot of the bridge is just a dip in the chaos of water next to us. His eyes are glued onto the sight. This is the closest he has ever been to such a temper tantrum of nature. He see the waterfall set back into the park and is amazed. This is now a determination of his. He will get up close to that waterfall. I still think we are going back to the car.
I don't know how he did it, maybe it was the joy on his face, but we crossed that bridge and turned left into the park. I spot two ducks and we get closer. It is a male and female mallard. They are perched next to a quiet pool of water. A complete contrast to the churning mess behind us. The male notices us coming closer and he stands up and is ready to go all male duck on us if he has too. The female has her beak tucked into her wing and she isn't budging. Though she does open one eye and watches us. We didn't get any closer and they didn't move we just watched each other and then my son and I moved along. He is determined to get to that waterfall.
Now we are on the other bank of the creek. It almost seems wrong to call it a creek though. When I picture a creek I see a calm narrow shallow and peaceful ribbon of water surrounded by green grass and flowers. I know, very "Little House on the Prairie" sounding. We get closer. His hand again is not letting go of my hand no matter what. I know the water scares him. Heck it scares me. He is facing a fear and not letting it win. He wants to get to that waterfall and he is not going to let his insecurity get the better of him.
We get to the waterfall, he gets right up next to it.
I tell him about having our wedding photos taken there. How most of the time is a gentle and beautiful waterfall. We talked about how my parents brought me to this park as a child and how we would feed the ducks. He spots the sign saying "Please Don't Feed the Wildlife" and is disappointed that we can't feed those ducks that we spotted earlier. I managed to keep him from seeing the bread someone else had left behind so he doesn't even try.
Now I think we are going back to the car. We got to the waterfall and ... Oh no he sees the steps to go to the top of the waterfall. If I let him we would stay there until bedtime. He is excited, there is so much to do here. Paths that twist and turn around calm peaceful ponds. Rocks are conveniently placed so he can walk on the like a bridge. He just wants to play.
I distract him away from the steps and back to the road. Then he spots something. I still don't know what but he is focused on it and is off. He finds a dry path around a pond and starts to go behind a wall of shale. I have never gone this way in the park. I thought it was inaccessible and maybe it was. Maybe a pond has shifted or maybe the path the water took changed. I have to follow him, in my crocs, trying to not fall, tetter tottering and somehome managing to stay dry.
There is another waterfall! Wow! we are at the base of an old mill and it is a nook full of nature. The small waterfall is peaceful and calm. It is a complete contrast to the one he was so focused on mere moments ago. Shale is jutting out around us and in places is covered with moss. It is quiet and still in this place. Just above us and only a few yards away is a major road filled with traffic, but we are not aware of it here.
We could have stayed there for hours. It was magical, but we had to get home. Daddy needs to go to work. I dread having to tell him that we have to leave and I wonder how do I get him to leave without a battle. It turns out that he had already decided to move on. He had turned around and saw a bridge. He looks at me and says "I wonder what this looks like from that bridge. So off he went. I slowly followed, I still wanted to stay dry.
We get to the bridge and it is a breathtaking site, the small waterfall in the distance is what feeds these smaller ponds. I am sure I had seen it before but never thought to try to get to it. I told him we had to go and he was disappointed but I promised we would come back. I let him take a "short cut" back to me. I cringed when he walked on the rocks placed as stepping stones in the ponds. He was going to fall in the water, I was so sure of it, I would have. Only his pant cuffs got wet though. Watching him explore this oasis of nature in the middle of urban development was worth the stop and worth coming back for.
We crossed the street and looked at the creek flowing away from the falls. We saw a groundhog and discovered that the secondary creek also continued on this side of the road. Then I saw it. A Great Blue Heron was wading in the turmoil beneath us. The brown churning waters did not seem to bother it at all. When my son saw it his eyes opened up wide. He had never seen bird this large in the wild before. He talked about the long neck of the bird and wondered how long the legs were. This bird was tall and sleek. It was beautiful and we watched it in silence as it walked around at the bank of the creek.
We got baCk to the car passing the groundhog again. Wow! Groundhogs can move very fast. We heard a male Black Capped Chickadee calling for a mate and we headed back home.
Back to my normal, he roller skated in the basement, put chalk dust in his hair and took his bath. It was after the bath that my cat called to me from the bathtub. He begged me to let him drink out of the bathtub faucet. I turned the faucet on ever so slowly and saw the legos on the wall. Back to reality I guess.
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