Three O'Clock In The Morning

It is three o'clock in the morning and as I pet the sleeping cat next to me it hits me. Almost 14 years of marriage are over. My life is forever changed and my children's world is about to crash. How are they going to handle it? How am I going to handle it? I was in my 20's the last time I was single. Now I will be a single mother. What has he done?

I am so mad. His poor decisions are going to effect us for the rest of our lives. He not only cheated on me, he cheated on his children too. How dare he!!!!

I need so much strength now, I need to stay firm. I can't keep him from the kids, but I can't let him get to me.

I fear his mother. She owns this house and she said she would give me time to find a place if we ended up separating. But she also said similar things when we moved out of the last house and that turned into a fiasco that still haunts us all.

Will he come home in the morning? Will he force his way back into the house? What will the morning bring? My stomach is in knots and I can't help but cry. Then I think of him calling me a cry baby and I am mad again.

I go back to petting my cat. He is purring and comfortable, so peaceful. I am envious. I hope I can sleep tonight. The rhythmic purring makes me feel so much better, maybe sleep will come. Three o'clock in the morning.