I pulled up to the building on time. I took a deep breath and went inside. It was nap time. The music was peaceful and calming, no sounds of children whatsoever. It was dark and after a short wait I met the owner of the facility. She went over my resume, I filled out a job application and we talked. I wasn't nervous, it was going well I thought. Then she brought up what the position was. She needed a part time worker for the infant room. Not exactly what I prepared for. The job itself is something I would enjoy, and if I had prepared for it like I prepared for a teaching position I think the rest of the interview would have gone better.
I may have been a bit unprepared but if I get the job I will gladly take it. I love infants and since I am not having anymore of my own this will help me get my baby fix. I do well with bottles and I am a pro at changing diapers. It may not be what I went to graduate school for but I am sure it will be wonderful. The facility was beautiful and there was such a nice peaceful feel to it.
Then of course I had to come home. I almost didn't, my new car is more air conditioned than my house. Of course it also doesn't help that I knew he would be home. The kids were visiting Grammy so it would be just him and I. I did manage to wrangle an errand for him to run so I had a little me time. I went outside and started rereading one of my favorite books, Insomnia by Stephen King.
The day wouldn't be all rainbows and puppy dogs. My soon to be ex promised to take the kids to a local carnival/festival. They have been looking forward to this all week. Then P stretched out his feet and tipped a fan (not turned on) a small amount. My husband went ballistic. You would have thought that our son had committed a major offense. He announced that he wouldn't be going tonight and he started to cry. The yelling didn't stop. Them B started crying saying that she didn't want to go without her brother. He wouldn't stop yelling and wouldn't listen to me when I tried to calm everyone down.
I thought he might still take the kids, it is a once a year event and what P did certainty didn't warrant him missing it. I casually asked if he wanted to use my camera to take photos, trying to find out what was going on and again he insisted that they weren't going. This is a pattern with him. If he doesn't want to do something with the kids or even me he waits for any little thing that he doesn't like and over reacts. He announces that he isn't going to do it and often will storm off. This time I called him out on it.
I made one mistake, my safe place in the house is my upstairs bedroom. I go there when I need to remove myself from the situation. For the second time he followed me up and continued to scream at me about how he doesn't overreact to get out of doing things. I was cornered and had to listen to him. He went back to his name calling and called me a fat lazy slob. The downstairs has been pretty well picked up and now he is upset that my room is cluttered. No matter what I do there is always something more that he wants me to do.
He knows it hurts when he calls me names and that is why he does it. He has to feel like he is in control. Finally he went back downstairs and I guess he changed his mind because they are at the festival. My daughter told me she would win me a prize. He didn't even tell me that he was going. I took my meds and am enjoying the peace right now.
When he gets home I will go for my walk, alone tonight. I need to mentally relax and focus. I need this job so I feel productive again. The money would be helpful too. I should hear from them on Monday. I think my stomach will be a bundle of nerves this weekend. The kids have a birthday party tomorrow, meaning more time alone with him. Funny how that used to be something I looked forward to. Now the thought of it fills me with dread.
Updated - they are home and immediately he complained loudly about money. I get it we don't have a lot. I know we have to pay bills. But to take the kids out to a festival he knew he would have to spend money (just like on a birthday party) and to complain that he spent the money in front of the kids is not a good idea. Then he yelled at me because I reminded him that he isn't supposed to take my car to work. My parents specifically said the car was for for my use only. The flood gates opened and he yelled again about money. The same things he had already said. This time he didn't follow me upstairs.
I only need to find a place to live now assuming that I get this job. I am looking forward to the last time I walk out the door and can get away from him.
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