Birthday parties we have at our house fill me with dread. My children of course look forward to them, they pick their theme and come up with many ideas of what they want to do at their party. They are not any part of why the thought of throwing a birthday party at the house gives me anxiety.
It is my husband who makes birthday parties at our house difficult. He knows they are coming and he nows that money will be spent on the supplies for the party. For my son's first birthday party I went all out. I bought invitations, plates, napkins, cups and all sorts of decorations that all matched. I even got him a t-shirt in the same design. I spent too much money an learned my lesson. I have not ever spent as much on a party again.
Still party supplies to cost something. Once I suggested we buy some inexpensive plastic dishes like one of his aunt's uses, but they cot too much money so he decided that we wouldn't go that route. So every birthday party we have he gets upset. I buy the disposable party items at the dollar store. I spend as little as possible.
This year instead of buy the overpriced cake from the grocery store I made my own, the boxed mixes I bought with frosting was half the cost of the store bought cake. Instead of ordering pizza I bought the supplies to make it at home again for less than what the pizza would cost. Instead of pop I bought kool-aid type packets 8/$1.00. I even washed out pop bottles to hold the kool-aid type drinks instead of getting another pitcher, we only have one.
I told him what I needed to buy and about how much it would cost. I did all I could to avoid the inevitable and of course the inevitable happened. This time it came in two waves. First was on Friday when I bought the bulk of the items I needed. As soon as I walked in the door he attacked and was mad that I spent too much money. I knew it was coming and he didn't disappoint me.
Saturday we had seperate parties to attend. I took the kids to a fun pool party and he went to the loud obnoxious party. I have to say that I haven't been so relaxed in a long time. There were many people (adults) to talk to and I met so many interesting people. The kids were well behaved the whole day. It was like a miracle. Then I picked up my husband on the way home and all the tension came back. He picked another fight before he went back to the party. I was alone to get ready for my daughter's party and of course she was so excited about the party that she couldn't sleep and kept coming downstairs to check on me.
Finally at 2 am he comes home and does help. Not exactly the way I wanted things but sometimes you have to take what you get. The giant cupcake was baked, I made strawberry mousse to put inside the hollow center. All the regular and mini cupcakes were made, though my mini cupcake wrappers were too big for my mini cupcake pan. Why are there different size mini cupcake wrappers and pans? Don't they know that sometimes moms are baking at 2 am and can't run to the store to get different mini sized items?
I woke up after too few hours of sleep and immediately went to work on the party. I put the files on my thumb drive that I needed printed for the party and got out a piece of poster board, yes I happen to have poster board lying around and I have no idea why. I came downstairs to frost the cupcakes and my husband is GONE. My son happily hands me a breakfast sandwich and has no idea where daddy is. Once again he left without letting me know the kids were not being supervised.
I call him and he just left the grocery store, no he didn't think to ask if I needed anything for the party, why did I need more, wasn't I ready. True I usually have everything I need by the day of the party but there was a sale on fruit and I knew one of the guests didn't eat pizza, so I wanted to make a fruit salad to give her something to eat.
When he got home I went out to finish up my shopping, I knew I was in trouble because he was already mad at me for over spending. Still I needed these items, I wasn't going to let a guest not eat anything. Again I looked for the best prices and I found strawberries for $1.69 and raspberries for only $1.99. Those are amazing prices. I didn't even get into the dining room before he yelled. There is less than 2 hours before the party and I had so much to do. Of course he storms out of the house and drives away. I should have known better.
I got the cake filled and frosted, frosted it and about half the cupcakes. Luckily my sons friends stopped by and actually asked me if I needed any help. My saviors!!! They set up the tables outside and got the backyard picked up. I couldn't have gotten ready without them, I let them stay for the party to keep my son company.
I looked at the clock and there was less than 45 minutes until the party started. I had loot bags to fill, I had bingo boards to cut out, I had kool-aid like drinks to make, I had a fruit salad to make, AAARRRRGGGGGGGG!!!! So I called him and asked him to come back to help me get his daughter's party ready, he hung up on me. Almost in tears I called my brother to beg him to come early to help. Thankfully he said he would. I love my brother, not just for this. He has often been a huge help to me and I hope I have returned all his favors over the years.
Finally my husband came back and grudingly assisted me during the party. I had to ask him do almost everything he did, I don't think he knew what needed to be done. One of the things I asked him was to bring the cake outside. I was helping the kids make pizza and I heard a plop and he screamed. I turned around to see the cake and half of the cupcakes on the floor. He is upset at himself and I ask him to takeover the pizza so I can try to fix the cake. Just then my daughter comes in and sees her cake in pieces in our hands. She runs upstairs in tears.
I bought extra frosting (an unessesary expense and one of the things he yelled at me on Friday) so I opened it up grabbed a knife and used it as glue to piece the giant cupcake back together. I had extra cupcakes so I put cherries on top of them and put them around the cake, it wasn't perfect but it was much better. My daughter came back down and the party resumed.
She thought the cake looked better. (Yikes, what did it look like before?) The kids all gobbled up the cupcakes and had a blast. When she opened her gifts she was thrilled one of the guests, the only boy from her class to come, picked out a Pinkalicious dress to give her. I think it might have been her favorite gift of them all. If you heard a loud squeal of delight around 6 pm that would have been her. It was so loud that I was concerned that she was hurt at first.
Finally the parents arrived to reclaim their children. I had a moment to breathe and I surveyed the remains of the party. My parents got there in time to get some of the last remnants of the fruit salad. They also missed all the organized chaos of the party, I think they planned their arrival quite well. They too got ready to leave with unfrosted cupcakes that I didn't get chance to get to. I waled them to the car and then the other Grammy shows up. I was in such a good mood too.
So now I have to get my daughter back outside for my MIL. There was cake, frosting and cherries on the kitchen floor from the cake incident. Bingo boards all over the living room floor and pizza fixings spread all over the kitchen countertop. I did not want her in the house to find more fault in how I do things.
We acted like we loved each other and she finally left without stepping foot in the house. I tore down the decorations and put away the tables. I came inside and sat down on the couch and I think I would have fallen asleep if I didn't have two children arguing over one my daughters gifts. He wanted to use it and she didn't want him too. Ah, the familiarity of sibling rivalry. My children were back.
There are toys all over and gift bags that need to folded, I did clean up the kitchen and finally made a pizza for myself. I think I will take a few minutes to eat it before I get the new toys organized. This did end up being a pinkalicious weekend, but I wouldn't have minded if my husband just once could skip the birthday party temper tantrums.
Thoughts and observations of my life as I am going through mid-life changes. I am a mom dealing with depression, a child with Asperger's, an abusive ex-husband, plus moving back home with my parents to help take care of them and now my grandmother and both parent's death in just a fourteen month timespan. Simply put my house is full of chaos. As I start to walk this new path I will leave a trail of stories for you to follow. Thanks for traveling with me.
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To be honest, I would just stop bothering asking him to do anything, or telling him anything. I'm surprised he's still there. If he starts on you about anything that you do for the kids, you should remind him how much of a poor role model he is to them. I'm surprised that he's actually still there. (((Hugs))).
ReplyDeleteI'm glad your daughter enjoyed her party so much. I'm sorry that your still be treated badly by your husband. Also, it sounds like he checked out on the kids a long time ago.
ReplyDeleteHis mother owns the house so until the divorce is final or I move out I am stuck with him. I am looking for another place to live with the kids.
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