Before I write my usual stuff, I have to point out that he painting to the left was done by my daughter in her kindergarten class. Isn't it beautiful. It also reminded me of a dream when I saw it and dreams have been on my mind for the last couple days. I typically have vivid dreams, and sometimes they are so real I have to decide if a memory I have really happened of if it was a dream. Examples of this would be the fact that I firmly vividly remember flying down the stairs when I was a child. Odds are that never really happened. I also recall a time when I was in junior high that I dreamed I found money, a $20 bill in a book. On the way to school I stopped in a local corner store because I thought I had money, I was wrong.
For the last couple nights my dreams have not only been vivid, they have been upsetting. I don't want to call them nightmares but they were pretty close. I have dreamt that I forgot to take two classes that I needed for my Master's Degree so that's why I still don't have my diploma (When they said 6-8 weeks they meant 8-10 weeks I think.
The one dream that stands out is that I went out for the evening and I was in a museum. I saw a friend from another state there and we spent the night having fun. I don't know why the museum was open so late but it was. Then when I left I lost my car, someone i knew offed to take me home but he turned out to be a criminal and kidnapped me. I got away and knew I had to get home, I realized that the kids were home alone and I needed to get back to them. Remember this was just a dream and I have never left my kids home alone. No matter what I did I couldn't get home. I was panicking and then I woke up.
Last nights dream was equally unusual. Sadly I don't remember any details, but it was like watching a movie. I woke up once again with an uneasy feeling and it stayed with me all day. I think in the morning I could recall some of the dream. I am sure they are because of all the things bothering me and the divorce.
My husband once again attacked me on what I spent on my daughter's birthday party. Last year I went overboard and paid about $300 for the party of her dreams. I even had a "princess" visit during the princess party. I also had people there to run the party so I could relax and enjoy the party with her. It was a magical party and even though I went overboard with the money she will remember it forever.
This year I spend half that amount on her party. I ran the party games and worked to have the kids make their own pizza's. I stayed up all night baking the cake and cupcakes and made sure to buy the minimal items I needed for it. He still thinks I spent too much and thinks I should have only spent $50 at the most. That is less than the cost of the food I used at the party. Boxed cake mix, Store brand pizza dough and toppings, and fruit that was so inexpensive I can't remember the last time I bought berries for such a low price.
So once again I am up late and know I need to sleep, I have a busy day tomorrow. I also don't want to sleep, what will my dream bring to me tonight?
Thoughts and observations of my life as I am going through mid-life changes. I am a mom dealing with depression, a child with Asperger's, an abusive ex-husband, plus moving back home with my parents to help take care of them and now my grandmother and both parent's death in just a fourteen month timespan. Simply put my house is full of chaos. As I start to walk this new path I will leave a trail of stories for you to follow. Thanks for traveling with me.
Your husband is a douche bag. Why are you still living together?
ReplyDeleteI agree with the poster above. Why would you stay with your husband if he is just this tornado of negative energy?
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