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The Chronicles of Pern: First Fall

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Monday, May 24, 2010

Our Reluctant Move

The last time we moved I was excited. We were getting out of a house I hated. In that house I had almost died from carbon monoxide poisoning. It was there that I broke my ankle falling down the stairs. It was a money pit. As soon as we completed a major repair, usually asking one of our sets of parents for the money, another huge repair was needed. In fact the day before we finally moved the pipe under the bathtub broke.

The neighborhood wasn't the best. In the few years I was there it went down hill. The elementary school at the end of the street closed. Businesses that had been there for years closed or moved. I didn't feel safe taking my baby for a walk around the block. There was a drive by shooting around the corner from us. We even had a level 3 sex offender living just 7 houses away from us.

When mom offered us a way to get out of there I did all I made sure we accepted it. It meant we had to live in a house my mother in law owned. Dennis wasn't thrilled about that, but for our child's sake (for back then we only had on child) we accepted. We got out of there and I was relieved.

Now almost 6 years later my mother in law anted us to move from a duplex to a single. She was not happy about the mess in our house. In fact neither was I. It has just become too much. I know it needs to be cleaned, I also know I have no idea how to get it done. I have become a hoarder. I am embarrassed by it and afraid because I don't know how to fix it.

So here I am moving out of one house, that has become a disaster, into another new start for us. This house has writing all over the walls, no matter how we punish the children they still managed to cover the walls with scribbles. I gave up trying to remove it al. I always assumed I would just paint over it all. In fact I had even planned to do just that this summer.

The house I am in now is just a huge fail for me. Was it the crippling depression I suffered last year that was my breaking point? I don't know, but somehow I just stopped in this house. I crawled into bed and gave up. I hide in my room and avoid all I can.

In the last year I have gone through therapy, I went back to school to get trained for a job I always wanted but never let myself pursue. I faced my fears and usually won.

So now we have a final chance, move to a new house and start again. My MIL is amazing, how many other's would keep on helping, even when it looks like all will fail? So I am determined to make this work. I am trying to make this move be out last. I am going to make this house be my priority along with my family.

The house is around the corner from us. We can actually walk everything over to it, though I am hoping to move many things in one major trip. But I am approaching this move different from the last.

We are painting before we move in. When we moved into this house we moved in on the first day we could and it was chaos. We did nothing really to help make this house our own. Nothing new, no painting the walls, no real thought about what were bringing and what we didn't really need.

So we are slowly moving things into this new house, we are painting, to make it ours. We are making sure the furniture works in the house and we are getting a few new things to finish it off. The kids are being a lot of help and are helping us stay focused. We want them to invite their friends over and not be embarrassed to bring them inside.

We really didn't want to move, we never would have suggested it. The timing was awful, right at the end of the semester, and all I could think was that I wanted no part of it. Now I am accepting it and I think I am even embarrassing it. I think I am in a better place to take care of the house. The move might have been reluctant, but it was necessary I think.

Mother's Day 2010

I don't know why it has taken me so long to write about Mother's Day this year. Yet I did. This year I took charge of my Mother's Day. Usually my children go all out for mother's day. I get drawings, gifts from the Dollar Store. I love that they go the extra mile for Mother's Day. It is the complete indifference my husband shows that gets to me every year.

Now I have to say that I don't expect him to get me a gift, after all I am not his mother. However I believe he should guide the children in what they want to do for me on Mother's Day. Maybe take me someplace nice to eat, or encourage them to make me a nice craft that I will treasure for years to come. I even tell him specific ideas because I know he not the most creative person.

Yet every year I get a couple cards that he has taken the children to buy, usually on the morning of Mother's Day. I love the cards and I save them.

I also make a big deal about Mother's Day for my mom. I make sure to take my time picking out a card for her. I look for meaning and love watching her reaction when she opens it up and reads it. I hunt for the perfect gift. Not an expensive gift, but one I know my mom will appreciate. And every year I get flack from my husband because I spend money, too much money, on my mom every year.

He tends to take a low key approach to Mother's Day with his mom. I don't even know if he called her this year to even say "Happy Mother's Day" to her. I asked once just before he left from work and he said he hadn't yet. He says he never really celebrated the day with his mom as he grew up. I always did. The day meant a lot to me even before I was a mom.

So this year I took charge and made the day my own. I got an email about The Melting Pot having a special Mother's Day menu. I always wanted to eat there and never could convince Dennis to take me. Bonus, the price for the kids meals was so cheap and we just got our tax refund so I know we could afford it. I called and made reservations for our family and my parents too.

The morning of Mother's Day I got some fabulous gifts from my children. Poems and drawings created in school, hugs and kisses and lots of love. Perfect, I had a great start to the day. Then I got the usual cards, bought that morning of course. Though this year they were not signed. He couldn't even be bothered this year to get the kids to sign the cards. He didn't even sign the one he gave me.

He, of course complained about the money I was spending on dinner, though he didn't over complain to the point of an argument. This is the first year we didn't get into a fight on Mother's Day I think. He though a fondu meal was in his words "Stupid". Though he didn't harp on that either. For that I was happy.

The kids loved the meal. They loved the different types of fondus and thought cooking the food themselves was awesome I think my parents enjoyed it to. They were a bit apprehensive about the meal because it was a fondu meal. I had a blast. I loved watching the kids. I loved spending time with my family and my parents. It was perfect. We had a new experience and we had a fantastic Mother's day.

It wasn't because of the gifts or the cards, but because we were together and had fun. Next year I will have to remember to take charge again. I might not be able to afford the Melting Pot then, but I am sure I can find something that is just as much fun for us to do together as a family.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

He Smeared Ketchup in his Hair (AKA why I am going to snap)

If you ever see me aimlessly walking around muttering to myself "I love my son, I love my son" over and over again this is why.

Tonight the kids were playing nicely, I was so proud of them. P had discovered a way to make music with two metal poles and dragging them on the sidewalk. It really did sound nice and there was a specific musical pattern to how he was doing it. I wished I had a video camera to record it. B was dancing to it and it was lovely.

Then bedtime rolled around.

P took a shower and somehow remembered to use shampoo, I have to check because he doesn't always remember to use soap and shampoo in the shower. He remembered tonight and I was pleased. I thought it was going to be a nice easy bedtime. I was wrong.

After many prompts from me he finally got pajamas on and then I smelled ketchup. I catch him running in the bathroom and see red. I mean on his body, not me getting mad. I literally saw red. He had smeared ketchup all over his chest and I caught him smearing it into his hair as he ran into the bathroom. He wasn't going to wash it off, he just wanted to look in the mirror.

My son was literally covered in ketchup. I don't understand his obsession with food and making messes. Why would anyone want to cover themselves in ketchup? I know his brain works differently than mine because of the asperger's. This is something that I will never understand.

I admit it I snapped and screamed. He just got out of the shower and he had to get back in. He did get back into the shower quickly too.

I start to calm down and the shower turns off. I tell him that if I smell ketchup in his hair he will have to go back in. He says he used shampoo and steps out of the bathroom wearing soaking wet pajamas. He took the second shower wearing his pajamas. I lost it again. He got sent to bed without our usual bedtime routine. Then he had the nerve to ask me for a snack. It is a good thing I love him because I think that was the only thing that saved him tonight.