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Thursday, May 28, 2015

Don't Protect the Abuser

Right now there is something amazing going on.  A family that has been on tv in a series and a few specials for their religious beliefs has been thrown into a scandal.  People are feuding over it.  Friendships are being tested.  Lines are being drawn.  It seems that the eldest son admitted to molesting five female children when he was a teenager.  He publicly admitted it.  He was not arrested.  He stepped down form his family centered job and apologized to the world.

Is that enough?  I don't think so.  He may be in the spotlight now and this may be the topic we are debating now.  But what about next month, next year or the next decade?  Can what happen help keep possible future victims safe?  What if his first victim spoke up and the family didn't try to hide it.  Enough reports are coming to light that seem to say the family did something to keep this from going to prosecution.  Would his future victims have been saved?  I have no idea.

But maybe we can learn something from this.  STOP PROTECTING THE ABUSER.  I did it with my ex.  I did it with my father.  I won't do it again.  So join me.  Don't protect the abuser.  Yes, terrible things happened to the victim.  But it wasn't their fault.  It was something done to them.  Don't shelter the abuser because you want to protect the victim.  If you are a victim stand up for your self.  I wish I did.  I don't know what would have changed had I left earlier than I did.  It helped when I knew I had people to help me stand up for myself.  It helped knowing people were behind me and they knew I was a victim.

If you are being abused, sexually, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially or anyway don't
protect your abuser let others know.  Please if you know someone is being abused offer to help them, REPORT them to the police or any authorities.  We need to take a stand against abuse.  We have to do it now!  No one deserves to be abused!

Saturday, May 23, 2015

I was Mugged!

Back Story...

A few weeks ago I slipped on the ice walking into work.  Yes, I live in an area where winter never seems to go away!  I hurt my left arm, my back on my left side and my left pinky.  The arm and back felt better in a couple days, but my pinky would hurt on and off.  I would forget about it and then it would hurt.  I would be fine then OUCH!!!!

Fast forward a few weeks, about 5 or 6 and my 12 year old son and I were having fun.  He is very ticklish and adorable when I tickle him.  VERY ticklish! So of course occasionally I take advantage of it and we were having fun.  Then he jammed my left pinky and OMG!!!!  PAIN!!!  Then a POP!!!  A noise that was loud and accompanied the pain.  The pain didn't go away and I called my doctor.  We made an appointment for me to get my finger X-rayed.  He had me tape my pinky and ring finger together. Urgent care wouldn't help.

So I went to the doctor's and he told me I had a hairline fracture that was about 5 weeks old.  Bonus I also had a sprain.  So into a splint I went and my finger is in semi-constant pain.  Not enough to warrant pain killers just enough to be slightly annoying.

Second Back Story...

I never take cash out of the bank.  Well, hardly ever.  Even if I do it is almost always $20.00 or less.


Except for today.  Today I had some bills to pay that were just easier with cash.  I needed gas, I needed food.  I needed some art supplies for my wish jars.  I am selling them to help make ends meet when I am out of work for the summer.  So when I was at the bank I took out more cash than I usually do.  I put it in my (Small, shuttle craft purse, that I keep in my huge purse so I don't have to always lug it around,) purse instead of my pants pocket.  (Probably because I usually don't have pockets in my pants because clothes designers think that women don't need pockets so we carry huge purses.)  I bought a couple things in the store and happily walked into the parking lot to get back to my kids and get my errands done.  I never even heard anyone coming up behind me.  I had my purse in one hand and my phone in the other.  They went for the weakest point, my injured pinky in a black splint, I saw stars!  I felt my purse being pulled out of my hand and it was gone before I could turn around.

 I turned around and saw a person running away holding my shuttle craft.  My first thought was at least it wasn't my favorite one, I had left that at my exes house the night before.  Then as I watched the person (I have no idea if it was a man or woman) running away wearing a hoodie, jeans and sneakers it occurred to me that I had cash in my purse, a lot of cash!  My ID was in it (luckily it was my exes address so...) and my bank card.  I didn't chase them.  I wouldn't catch them.

I think I sat down and cried.  I was on the ground when I finally called 911.  Eventually the police showed up.  I didn't have much of a description, they didn't give me much hope.  I got in my car after they left and just sat there.  Then I realized I needed to get back to the kids.  They had the day off of school and had been alone too long.  I didn't want a second disaster on my hands.

So here I am my first real brush with crime.  My apartment was broken into every other Wednesday between 7 PM and 9 PM (the police were no help then either, they didn't see the pattern after three break-ins) but the only item of mine that was stolen was my Kool-Aid.  My room mate was not as lucky.  Of course I never encountered the ones who felt the need to steal my precious Kool-Aid.  This was different.  This time I was injured and it was personal.

My ex gave me money that he owed me and bought me chicken wings when he came home from work.  I didn't know how to react.  I'm not used to him being nice to me.  For the next three weeks I don't have to see him as much.  He is on first shift instead of second.  Sadly this means I won't be with my kids as much.  I'll have to plan some fun for us.  What a day!!!

Monday, May 11, 2015

Mother's Day

It was my first mother's day without my mother.  I have been dreading it for weeks and here I am just moments after it ended.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  I picked up my kids from the exes house and we went to my mom's favorite place to eat, a local hot dog restaurant.

She loved their hot dogs and always got them with everything.  When they started selling their hot sauce she always made sure she had at least one jar at home.  If we couldn't think of a gift to give her, a gift card from them was always a perfect choice.  In fact it was the last Christmas gift I ever gave her.

I imagine that I have been going there my whole life with her and love that I now continue the tradition with my children.  It may not be my favorite place to eat like it was Mom's but it has a special place in my heart.  My brother told the staff at one of the locations about my mother's love for their hot dogs and they gave my brother a cup and hat.  They sit on and next to my mother's ashes today.

The kids were eating french fries today and I mentioned that Grandma loved to eat her fries with vinegar.  So of course they had to try.  They are 12 and 10 and have not really been exposed to vinegar except at Easter when they dye eggs.  Funny I used to use vinegar all the time.  I guess somethings do change.

The look on their faces as they took the first bite of a french fry soaked in vinegar.  It was priceless.  They shook their heads and made sour faces.  Saying how they thought it was horrible and ewwww!  But they tried several french fries that way.  It was almost a compulsion.  It was probably the funniest moments of Mother's Day 2015.  Absolutely priceless!

The ex (the divorce still isn't final yet.  I don't know why it is taking so long.) Asked how long I would have the kids.  He wanted to take them to visit his mother.  So I brought them back to his house after we ate.  I had wanted to take them to the Mall, but I am trying to be civil.  So I turn the corner and see the empty driveway.  The kids inform me that Dad said he would be gone when we come back, it would have been nice if he told me.

So I call him.  I refuse to leave the kids alone and he has the nerve to be upset with me because I switch the time I would have them.  Truth be told I did, but I also let him know I made a mistake and typed the wrong time as soon as I noticed it, and he had plenty of time to adjust.  I stayed in the driveway while the kids played outside and he comes home absolutely irate at me.

He comes out of his car screaming at me.  Saying how dare I call and yell at him and find it to be such a burden to be with my kids on Mother's Day.  (SIGH!) Again he absolutely has no idea why I was upset.  He led me to believe he wanted the kids back to see his mother and did;t bother to tell me he was not going to be back.  He told the kids he wasn't going to be home.  I guess telling the other adult was too much to ask.  Of course it is all my fault again.  He screamed and yelled and had a temper tantrum in the driveway including stamping and giving me double fingers.   The as I am pulling out of the driveway he ordered me to leave.  I almost pulled back into the driveway.  He knows acutely how to make me mad.

Happy Mother's Day!  I am so used to having a huge argument with him on Mother's Day, so I guess I wasn't surprised.  How I wish I could see my children and spend time with them and have absolutely no contact with him.

Happy Mother's Day 2015 - I Miss You Mom!

In Memory of My Mother 
June 10, 1940 - August 20, 2014
I love you!!!!