New Years Eve

Gratitude Project Day 43 (for as long as I can) I'm going to post at least three things I am grateful for. Join me!; 1)That 2011 is almost over, it has been a difficult year and I am glad to put it behind me. 2) That the grocery store's play room was open so I could grocery shop in peace. 3)That I could chat with a friend form my teen years today. It was via the computer but it was still nice to catch up.

Tonight we end 2011 and 2012 begins. When the clock strikes 12:00 midnight another year is behind us. I find myself doing what everyone does and I look back at the highs and lows of the year. I have to force myself to not dwell on the lows. That however is difficult. It is so easy to sink into the memories of all the things that happened this past year that were upsetting. Why is remembering the bad so much easier than remembering the good? I am pleased that the year is ending on a high, my new job is definitely the best thing that happened this past year.

What does the new year bring? I am hoping that this is the year that I can finally move out of this house and this marriage. I don't have to worry about sticking to my conviction about this. Anytime I start to think that maybe I will stay my worse half does something horrible and I remember why I need to walk out. Today in the parking lot after grocery shopping he did something to P that obviously hurt my son. P was being too silly and it needed to stop, however my soon to be ex didn't handle it very well. He flicked P's head and P was crying. I would have handled it differently. I wouldn't have done anything to hurt my son. Once the kids were in the car I told him exactly what I thought. He looked down and didn't reply. I wonder if he even listened to me.

So the year ends. He is upstairs alone watching the hockey game and the kids and I are downstairs watching the Disney Channel. More and more that is the way things work out. The kids try to stay with me as much as they can.

Though tonight they may be with me because of the food we have down here. We had sushi (It didn't last long, yum!), potato chips, pizza, shrimp chips (very yummy), cheese, crackers and summer sausage. We may not have a fancy New Year's party to go to but we can have the tasty food. Later we will break out the shrimp, pop and the sparking grape juice. This is one of the few days (or nights) that I allow them to have pop.

Happy New Year everyone, this is the year I will finally get out on my own, just me and the kids. That is so scary. Once upon a time I was afraid of failure. The thought of me giving up on my marriage was something that filled me with fear. I was worried about what people would think of me. Now I think "Let them look!" I am doing what is best for me and my children. If my daughter was in a marriage like mine I would do all I could to help her get out of it. So I need to do the same thing for me and them. We need to get out.