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Sunday, April 27, 2014

Dating, Exploring, and Learning

Wow, it has been a while since I last added to my blog.  So much has been going on.  First I really am enjoying dating with the help of the internet.  If it had been available when I was a teen or in my twenties I wonder how different my world would be now.  I used to laugh when I hear people describe it like shopping, but that is exactly what it is like.

I have moved on from the first two sites I used when I began internet dating. was useless.  Zoosk was fun and I made a few connections, nothing that made it past friendship however.  Some were scammers, the ones who tried to prey on vulnerabilities and convince you they loved you so you would send them money.

Maybe because I don't trust people I didn't fall for them.  Now I have learned some "tells" that the scammers or a few scammers with many online identities use.  So far the ones who ask for thousands of dollars have all been from Europe, new to the States, Willing to relocate, Rich (obviously not or they would't be asking me for money), and very attractive.  Luckily for me I noticed they would "type with an accent".  The syntax they used when chatting was just a bit off and of course when I pointed this out and made sure to casually mention that I never send money to the scammers they never contacted me again.

There also are the men who only want to chat with you, nothing else - never intending on meeting you.  Most of them I cut loose too.  There are a few that entertain me and I have developed a bit of a bond with.  It is kind of exciting talking to someone you know you will never meet and share things that you never thought you would.  No last names, no idea where either of us really lives.  Nothing that will help us find each other in real life.

There are two sites I have found and love; OKCupid and Lots of Fish.  Each for different reasons and both because I have had much more success with them.  Both let you just page through photos and decide if you want to meet them.  At first I thought how superficial!  I don't choose men just on how they look!  But I was wrong, we all do it, we all in that first glance make so many determinations.  So I choose yes I want to meet them or no I don't, sometimes maybe is a choice too.

It is the profiles I enjoy reading.  Some men are very creative and their profiles alone make me want to contact them.  This is where I don't feel so superficial.  When I read their profiles, photos are not the only thing I use to decide if I want to contact them.  Though there are times when photos alone will keep me from contacting them.

I do not think I am the most beautiful person, I am okay but there are many women who look better than I do.  However I do know what photos of me to post and what ones to avoid.  If I had a photo of me in a hospital gown I would NOT use that as my profile pic.  That said I have seen more than one man in a hospital gown in their profile pic.

Another thing I don't understand in profile pics that show men with the fish they caught or a few showing the gutted deer they hunted.  While I get they are proud of themselves and it shows that they like the outdoors, I find it strange.  But at least if you choose to contact one of them you know what you are in for and if you don't like hunting or fishing then you were warned.

What is unique is how each site "finds" you someone.  OKCupid asks direct questions with just a few answers.  Some are very ordinary and others are VERY personal.  The more you answer the more likely they can find yo a good match.  Funny their top match for me is someone I meet while I was still with my ex and I was/am very attracted to him.  We have been chatting and gone on a date.  So far it is a good match.

It is like shopping, but different.  You don't want to just pick and choose a couple profiles you like.  The more you contact, the better chance you have that a few will contact you back and maybe one of them will be a good match.  So I have been dating, learning how to do the whole on line dating thing and having a lot of fun exploring and meeting new men.  It is so much easier then before I was married, but harder too because I have to be more careful and at some point I will have to let my guard down to get close to somebody.  I'm not there yet though.

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