Homework Anxiety

 It has been over three weeks since I broke my ribs.  In that time school has begun for the kids, my grandmother, their great grandmother (Oma to them) passed away at 98 years and I have finally started working again.  Unfortunately in that same time my son has already slacked off in school and is behind in several classes and almost failing one.

     That brings me to homework.  This has been a struggle for the last few years.  I usually let him start the year and step back to see if he will do it.  Then I find out he is way behind and he has to struggle to catch up.  So this year I am on him from the beginning.  I check his homework daily and still he manages to not get it all done.

      Today I found out he lied to me about doing an assignment.  He told me he typed it at school and

printed it at school.  His teacher told me he never handed it in.  I also found out the teacher gave him an extra two days and added to the assignment.  It is the same assignment with an extra 9 sentences added to it.

      Because he lied and I told his teacher he would turn in the original assignment I wanted him to print it after the original 8 sentences and again after the added 9 sentences.  No real extra work, and both assignments would be handed in.  I contacted his teacher and he agreed with my homework solution.  My son however freaked out and was convinced he would be in trouble for handing in the extra page.

     When I say he freaked.  I mean full blown panic attack, hyperventilating to the point that he

almost passed out.  He was dizzy and unconsolable.  I called his doctor and got the service.  A doctor from another state called and suggested all the things I was already doing.  He wouldn't use a paperboy, because he was sure it wouldn't work.  Every suggestion I gave he fought.

      Finally I had to take him to Urgent Care.  It was over 40 minutes and he was in bad shape.  I drove there while listening to his rapid breathing.  Talking to him, trying to keep him conscious.  He was scared.  I was scared.  Okay I think we both were terrified.

When we stumbled into Urgent Care, he couldn't even walk on his own.  I had to hold him up and I sat him down while trying to stay calm.  The person behind the desk got up and got help immediately.    I didn't even get to check him in before they saw him.  I wanted to be with him, but I needed to give them our information.  That was the first of three separations.

     Then they needed to ask me what happened while they got him settled in a room.  So again we were separated.  I had to explain about the homework and the argument.  It sounded so petty with him so upset that his anxiety caused him to hyperventilate.  I finally got to the room where he was.  He was too hot and scared.  This had never happened to him before.  He wanted hugs but he was too uncomfortable to be touched.  My poor baby!

     Then the doctor came in, and asked to talk to me outside of the room.  I didn't want to leave P but I had too.  Then we walked all the way across the building to another room and he closed the door.  Now I was nervous.  Why did he take me so far away from my son?  Was there something really wrong that they needed to tell me so far away from my son so my reaction wouldn't freak him out?

     He just sat down with me and listened.  He wanted to know what triggered the anxiety.  Even
better he didn't want to give my son more meds.  I told him all the things I did to help and they were all what I should have done.  He needs to learn to soothe himself when he feels the anxiety.

     Another doctor came in and told Patrick to try all the things I asked him to do earlier to stop the anxiety and slow his breathing down.  Of course P listened to her.  Deep inside I liked knowing that I was doing what needed to be done.  Now I just need him to believe that those techniques will work.

                    Added September 30, 2015 - My ex-husband has gleefully decided that the panic attack my son had was my fault.  He won't allow our son to see a psychologist or a psychiatrist.  He is willing for P to learn meditation or relaxation techniques if he does;t have to pay anything for them.  It is very frustrating to no be able to get your son the help he needs because the other parent blocks your efforts.