I never know what will set him off. Sometimes it is so random that I am amazed how such a trivial thing can escalate into a huge battle. Tonight was one of those times. This was my last week at my first student teaching placement and I neglected the house somewhat. It is nowhere near as bad as it once was but it is cluttered. So this evening I spent some time cleaning, starting with our room. I do a lot of lesson prep up there and many things get scattered around. Someday I will get that desk chair so I can utilize my desk.
I straightened up the room, he did some laundry. Everything was going smoothly until I sat down to watch Hell's Kitchen. It probably started when I told him there was only one episode on our DVR list and I didn't know if that was the one he saw. Why this made him raise his voice to me I don't know? He explains to me rather loudly that he watched an episode without me and what was the last episode I saw. We get louder as I try to say I don't recall what happened and why can't we just look at the episode we have recorded instead of arguing. I am using my teacher voice because I am trying not to escalate this any further. He goes upstairs to get our daughter to go to sleep.
Finally he comes down and this is the episode he saw, so I have to watch it to catch up. No worries. I start to watch it and he starts to clean in the living room. I see he is about to throw away items from the kids school folders that they brought home today. Things I separated out to review this weekend. SO I ask him not to throw away a flyer. It is for the kids Halloween party at school and the kids really want to go. Tickets are just $2.00 each for the kids. We can do that I thought so I set the form aside to fill in and send in with money on Monday.
Okay true I didn't discuss it with him, but he will be going to work at the same time the event is and it is not a lot of money. Plus I have the car at night so there should be no problem. I was wrong!
He gets mad that I want to save the flyer. I am going to fill our house with useless paper and I save too much clutter. So and so keeps a neater house than we do and why can't we do that? Plus, he continues, we can't afford the money for the party and I just let the kids do whatever they want. So I take a deep breath and try not to react to the bait. Then I notice him not looking at what he is throwing away and again it is something I wanted to save. So of course I say something and he flips out.
Granted I could have put them in a better spot, but he also could have looked at what the paper was and maybe read it. He could have asked if I wanted it. In fact he actually asked me "How am I supposed to know you want to save the paper, it looks like garbage to me." I suggested he ask. That was not the answer he wanted and he screams that then it would take ten years to clean.
I know he doesn't like to read, but sometimes it is amazing what he won't read. When asked to pass a specific salad dressing once he asked which one was that dressing. We all responded that maybe he should read the bottle. It just doesn't occur to him to read the label, or read the words on a piece of paper to see if it important. I worry that our children will pick up that habit.
He has stormed out of the house again. I try not to engage in the fight that I know is about to happen, sometimes it is like a tidal wave, it just can't be avoided. Luckily my tactics to avoid his bait sometimes do work and some arguments have been avoided. Still I can't help but think that he purposely tries to start these arguments. He yells so much, and so quickly that it almost is like his normal speaking voice now. Now the kids are yelling more and I know they are getting it from us. I have mentioned that to him and he just tells me to shut up. He won't believe anyone that children learn what they live.
I did rescue the flyer and I will send it in with the $4.00 that according to him will break the bank. I guess I will have to give up a couple pops this week because he won't give up his Tim Hortons every night. Halloween is a magical time of the year and I will do all I can so my children can enjoy it.
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