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Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Dirty Jobs Birthday Wars

The party was fantastic, the children had a blast and really got into the "Dirty" part of Dirty Jobs. We made butter and goop. They dug in slime and planted grass in the dirt. It was messy but fun. The disaster was getting ready for the party and cleaning up.

I cleaned the living room last night. I went to bed thinking it would be not to difficult getting the rest of the house ready. I should have known better.

I woke up to yelling and screaming. Father and son were at it again. The door to upstairs opens up and both start yelling at me about what is going on. Seriously, why am I the one who has to sort everything out. Sadly once again I see that my husband is being unreasonable and my son is struggling because of it.

Then I look and the living room I had all clean last night is a disaster. My husband just shrugs when I ask what happened and disappears into the kitchen. He announces that he is cleaning the kitchen, I guess I get the rest of the house. So I start cleaning.

I have heard that some husbands will assist their wives lifting heavy things or doing things that might take an extra set of hands. To me that is a fable or possibly a myth. If I ask for help I am called inept and chastised for it. Well, I need help so I brace myself for the slew of insults to follow. As I am being screamed at for all my faults I realize that he is hand washing individual dished, drying each one ever so carefully opening the cupboard, putting it away in the cupboard and then closes it. He repeats this process for every dish. Did I mention the dishwasher was empty and right next to him. Apparently he felt we didn't have time to fill the dishwasher.

So of course I mention this to him and the fireworks begin. The result is him running out of the house two hours before a birthday party. The kitchen, dining room and living room all need to be straightened up plus vacuuming. But because I mentioned that there was a faster way to get the kitchen ready he had a hissy fit and ran away. Just like he does whenever we have something to do that he wants to get out of doing. He stages a way to get me upset, I snap and he leaves.

So now I have a party to prepare for and two children to watch. My son vacuumed and gasp something bad happens to the vacuum. I swear I am going to be a quivering mass just giggling to myself when the guests arrive. Somehow I manage to recover, but the upstairs is a disaster because I can't be on two floors of the house at once. Oh and my landlord is coming tomorrow (on my birthday) to inspect the house to make sure it is tidy enough for her.

My husband comes home with the cake and ice cream he fixes the vacuums and we manage to get everything set up as the first guest arrives. I have 6 eight and nine year olds with a five year old thrown in for fun. Corn starch is flying, dirt spills, butter is launched into the neighbor's yard. I did manage to stay sane. My son is so overwhelmed from all the action at his party that he hides in the garage and his friends can't find him.

The party is over and the last guest didn't want to leave. I give him credit he offered to help clean up, I just wanted him to go home though. I am putting tables away, cleaning up spilt, dirt, corn starch and butter. I go inside to flop on the couch, I just want to relax. No such luck though. My son and daughter are arguing over which goop is who's. It sounds like WW III and of course I am in no mood. Before I even find out what has happened goop is launched in the basement and the storage container is broken. Where is my husband? Oh he is in the shower, he has a bachelor party to go to.

Now on to that subject. The birthday party is over at 6 pm and the bachelor party starts at 7 pm. I knew the other party was tonight. So I have an overwhelmed child with asperger's, I have a party guest that didn't want to leave, I cleaned up all the outside mess (remember it was a dirty jobs party so there was a MESS!) I sat down, I didn't even remember when I sat down before the party, It might have been when I woke up. My husband comes out of the shower and announces there is a frosting mess on the floor of the kitchen.

Silly me I asked him to take care of it. Well, that started a whole new battle. He announces that he has an obligation to go to his future brother in laws bachelor party. I shouldn't have planned a party for the same day as that sacred event. I am called inept again because I wanted him to clean up the green frosting that he discovered on the floor. He needs to go because the world will end if he is late.

Somehow I managed to get both kids washed, green food dye does eventually wash off skin and teeth. The grandparents are about to stop over and hopefully they will have a phillips head screw driver so we can put batteries in the new toys. I am finally sitting on the couch and have an evening away from my husband. I might even get to watch some TV. I am sure a whole new war will be fought tomorrow. After all it will be my birthday.

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