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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Another Year Older

Nothing makes you more happy on your birthday than over 100 birthday wishes on facebook. It might seem impersonal but all of these people took the time to wish me a happy birthday. It really can help make a birthday brighter. I had people from elementary school and high school reach out to me and schedule lunch with me later in the week.

To be honest meeting with them gives me a little anxiety. I have been hiding from life for so long that I'm worried about interacting with a real person. I am really looking forward to the lunches. It will be time away from my soon to be ex and some adult conversation. Talking with another adult is something that I have been looking forward to for so long.

B showered me with "Brfday" gifts. They were wrapped in scrap computer paper and were mostly my things. But she was so excited to surprise me with them. It was so much fun watching her go to her hiding spots and bring out all the gifts for me. Then when I was opening them she was almost bursting at the seams. She is a wonderful daughter.

My worse half took the kids to help them pick out a gift for me from a local supermarket. It may sound odd, but I strongly hinted to P and B that Mommy would like potted herb plants from that store. I suspected he would have trouble finding them, even though they were in plain sight in the center of produce. I was right. He had to call me from the store to have me direct him to them. So yet another gift for me that is not a surprise. I miss opening up gifts and having no idea what is in the paper, heck sometimes I don''t even get the wrapping paper.

They came home and he immediately complained about the $7.00 he spent on the gifts. I went upstairs, I am so done with all his bitterness and complaints. It is easier to walk away and ignore him. Unfortunately sometimes he follows me and keeps at it. Maybe him staying downstairs was his birthday gift to me?

His mother called, I guess to wish me a happy birthday. I can't help but think that somehow that conversation would steer towards me not having a job yet or my failure in her eyes of me being a housewife. I don't need her passive aggression. No one else on his side of the family wished me a happy birthday. Not that I was surprised to get no phone calls from them, but not even a Facebook mention was a bit hurtful.

My brother and mom called and I had some nice birthday conversations with them. She wants me to pick out a gift. I have no idea. It is so easy to think of thinks I want for the kids but I can't think of anything I want just for me. Why is it so difficult to think of myself. I'm another year older, but I don't feel any different than yesterday. This will be my year to get me back. Here's to me finding me this year!

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