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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The Practice Run Flops

He was just offered a better job. This has him starting later at night and means he will be here for the kids bedtime which thrills the kids. They miss their Daddy, and love when he is around for bedtime. This is going to be a huge adjustment for me. I have been doing this on my own for over a year now. He also will be here for homework, another adjustment. I turn the tv off so they can focus on homework better. The tv stays off until they are in bed and falling asleep. This is how it has been for over a year now.

He is a tv junkie, more than me. If we are home for just a minute or two he has to turn the tv on. Yes it frustrates me. Tonight he called into his current job because he has personal days to use up before he leaves. I tried not to focus on him throwing off the routine. Instead I thought of it as a practice run for when he is home for prime time in just a few weeks.

He went on an errand for me so he wasn't here when homework started. My son did his homework no problem, but couldn't find his book for the rest of it. I am trying to get him to learn how to look for things better so I am having him look for him things for a while before I start (and usually find it). I don't know if Daddy being home was the issue or if he just was out of sorts but he refused to look. He cried and complained when I tried to get him to do it.

When Daddy came home it was like a circus. The kids want the bean bag toss game daddy brought home, it needs to be assembled. My son still hasn't found his book and when I walk by a table I saw it clearly on top, nothing covering it. Everything was getting louder, each child talks over the other one. Daddy wants to watch the hockey game and I want the tv off. He finally decides to go out to buy pop.

I was overwhelmed. My routine was off and my son was crying because now that I found his book I wanted him to finish his homework. He thought he would have the night off of reading because he couldn't find it. But my daughter had gone to bed. I promised her I would have Daddy go upstairs to wish her a good night when he came home.

Daddy came home and went upstairs. The upstairs tv is in the same room that B sleeps in. He didn't come back down and then I hear him cheering on something the hockey team is doing. So he is watching hockey in the same room as our daughter is supposed to be going to sleep in. P is finally reading but constantly asking me how much longer he needs to read.

Finally P finishes his reading for the night, he goes to bed and daddy comes downstairs. I tried to talk to him to explain why it wasn't a good idea to watch tv in the same room that our children are sleeping in. He just watched the hockey game and said nothing. Nothing infuriates me more than when I am trying to calmly talk to him about something and to have him blatantly ignore me. He stared at the tv, and said nothing. He gave no indication that he even was aware that I was speaking.

I got his attention, he told me he ignored me because he was going to get yelled at either way it was easier for him to just watch the game. His hockey his the focus of his life, he will find a way to watch the game if he isn't working. Tonight he kept our daughter awake so he could watch his precious game. When we were dating I didn't mind the hockey, now 16 years later I HATE the game. Not because it is a sport, but because it is a higher priority to him than his family.

We started to yell, I let him get to me and I was upset. Then he stormed out calling me a bitch. When he comes home he will tell me how horrible I was and take no responsibility for the argument. In his eyes he did nothing wrong tonight. No one thing he did was wrong. It was little things added to little things and it was how I dealt with it too. But we can't work on fixing it if he just keeps running away.

What is it going to be like when he is home every night of the week again? How am I going to handle it? I'm sure we will establish another routine, but the adjustment period is going to be rough if tonight is any indication. It also doesn't help that this is occurring during hockey season. He will see that as as a priority over bedtime and homework.

I did remind him that I have been asking him to move in our extra tv from the garage since we moved here. That just made him swear at me because I guess I shouldn't nag him about it even if he hasn't done it in 18 months. Oh and he still hasn't taken out the last two air conditioners after I dropped the one out of the upstairs window. I thought a tv in the basement would be a good solution. He could be down there and watch his hockey and I could attempt to keep the routine with the kids.

So the surprise dry run of his new hours was a huge FAIL tonight. I hope we can get it together and get through this shift in his schedule. Where is calgon when I need it?

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