Then the next day when I looked at my bank balance and saw all those transactions and couldn't believe he had done that. Then I backtracked and saw it had been going on since the 10th. I never felt so hurt and helpless. I think it was because I should have known earlier. I had a few moments when he looked at me or said something and my gut instinct was "Don't trust him!" Why didn't I listen to me? Luckily I figured it out and I started to listen to myself again.
My last image of him was of him getting cuffed next to my car. Three police cars and several police officers all working together to do all they could to make sure he paid for what he did to me. How the police picked up his phone from me so I wouldn't have to have any contact with him, and they even took his size 13 boots. I can't imagine what I would have done with them.
Now I deal with the aftermath, the emotional rollercoaster! You see I still love him. I wasn't able to turn that off. I will get her it and I will move on. I have found some comfort in talking with his mother a couple times. I also briefly chatted with someone I thought would bail him out and that won't be happening. He is going to remain in jail at least until the trial. Though I wish he would just plead guilty and just accept his fate.
My coping mechanism I have found is locking my bedroom door. I never did before. I am not locking people out. I am looking myself in, it makes me feel safe and secure. Time will pass and I suspect I won't need the lock. Tonight though my door is locked and my cat and I are watching Dr. Who. We are safe and I am going to trust my gut the next time it tells me something is wrong.
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