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The Chronicles of Pern: First Fall

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Sunday, April 24, 2011


When I was in college I had a lot of friends. Some were what I would have considered best friends, other's were good friends and still others people I knew by name. Some would come and go, and others were a staple of my day. These were the people I never thought would be missing from my life. If I thought about life years down the road I always pictured them there with me.

As an adult I have had many people come and go from my life. Another group of people that I am attached to is my family. The old saying is that you can't pick your family. I may not have picked them to be in my life but there they are and I for the most part accept them and love them.

Maybe it is because I was the picked on kid in elementary and junior hight school. Maybe it is because I was so shy growing up. Maybe it is because I have children now. I take it very hard now when I am rejected. When I reach out to someone and they swat me down it hurts more than when I was a child. It is even worse when it is someone I thought was a close friend or a family member.

When I was a child there was no internet. I had my friends, some of which am pleased to say are still close friends of mine today. I knew who to stay away from, it was pretty easy. If they spit in my hair I knew to avoid them. If they teased me I would stay away. It's not like that anymore.

People pretend to be your friend. They can have you believing them for decades. Even if they are family, as we get older and develop our own practices and beliefs they can lead you to believe that you are welcome in their life. Then when you connect with them in person or via the computer they flatly reject you.

Sometimes you think you can reconnect with a friend from long ago. One of those friends that was part of your life every day. One that you could picture with you years down the road. When you find them and are so excited that you can almost not sleep. You send out that electronic touch and wait for the reply. Instead of a reply there is nothing. Not a acknowledgement, not a connection. The rejection is loud and clear.

I know people change, I know I am not the same person I was 25 years ago. Maybe because I did not have many friends growing up I want to cling onto the ones I have. When they slip away and reject me I take it personally. With old friends it is usually someone I don't have much if any contact with. I reach out and they reject me. I fell hurt but I don't have to interact with them at all or hardly ever. I may be upset but It doesn't effect me on a regular basis.

When they are a family member, and some one that I thought was a friend, that I see fairly often and they reject what do I do? I can't avoid them. They act smug and superior when we interact. Then the rejection. When I get the courage to ask them about it and they look me in the eye with a smile on their face and tell you that they did it, I feel even more hurt. I won't go there again. I just can't. Sadly there is no way to avoid them. So now I fear the next time I must be in their presence. How do I react?

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