Monday, May 30, 2011
I Don't Need a Husband
I bought window air conditioners. Mommy was much happier and cooler. Of course Daddy didn't want them, he didn't want to spend the money and many fights happened about the temperature and how miserable I was. My brother had to help me assemble them and install them, my husband would not.
They made the summer bearable. He enjoyed their comfort and even grudgingly took them out of the windows when the autumn air consistently was cool. There was yelling and cursing and arguing but it got done. Winter came and went and in less than a month we went from needing the heat on to uncomfortable warmth.
I wanted my air conditioned installed in the bedroom. I had two fans running at night and still I was too warm. It was time and I asked him for help. My husband typically responds to me asking for help with a look of disgust on his face. He waits a moment and will them loudly ask why can't I do it. The battle begins
Surprisingly he agreed to put the air conditioner in with little complaint. But it turned into an ordeal. He almost dropped it out the window and had trouble figuring out how it would sit in the window without falling. Any help I offered was loudly refused and I regretted that I even asked.
That was two weeks ago. He said after my air conditioned was installed he would get the others in later because he had to go to work. I understood, installing air conditioners is not a good excuse for being late to work. A day went by and then a few and then a week. I occasionally would ask when he would install them. He never would give a definite answer.
Summer is here, well "The Official Start" of summer is this weekend. The days are warmer and the nights are sticky. My son sleeps with a fan on his bed running at full speed and a ceiling fan above his bed whirling as fast as it can. My daughter sleeps in my bed so she can be comfortable at night. The air conditioners sit in her closet not getting any closer to the windows.
He and I have argued about them, if I question his methods he explodes with anger. Today he screamed at me that I was a nag. I keep asking him to put them in and he is tired of it. I have been asking a lot lately, however if he had put them in when he said he would two weeks ago I would not be nagging him today. I would have been comfortable in the living room and he could have watched his hockey YouTube videos in peace.
Instead he refused to put them in. He told me to call my brother to put them in and he stormed out of the house. At least I managed to get him to say goodnight to the kids. I have had it. I dragged them out of the closet and managed to slide them down the stairs. My son held the curtains so I could put them in the windows. He helped me move the couch so I could put one in the window in our living room.
Once again my husband has pushed me away. He refuses to do anything I ask him because I am a nag. Even a simple conversation with him is torture. I am miserable and I know he is too. The difference is that he resists any of my efforts to improve our marriage. He also believes that I am the cause of all of our problems. I cause all the arguments and I am the one who causes all the things that go wrong. He doesn't do any of it in his mind.
Well tonight I got something done without him that I didn't think I could do. He tells me that I won't make it on my own. He tells me that I am worthless and can't do anything right. He is wrong. I got two air conditioners in tonight without his help. It would be nice to have someone around to help, but if I think about it his help comes with heartache and stress. I get depressed and in the past I have withdrawn from the world. I won't let him put me down anymore. I don't need him, I am capable and I will be able to make it without him.