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Monday, May 2, 2011

It's a Small World After All

Osama Bin Laden is dead. Is it a relief? I heard the news via facebook. A major event ten years coming and it was all over facebook before CNN reported it. It was on facebook before Yahoo! carried it on their webpage. It was on facebook an hour before the President announced it. It was on facebook even before a Google search verified it.

How the internet has changed in the past decade. I know I was online in 2001 but I was not connected to the world like I am now on facebook. So much has changed just in this short time. We know of world events almost as soon as they happen.

Then I think of me and my own world of chaos and how I even share my personal thoughts and life via the internet. I announce things to strangers, family and friends that a decade ago I would have never revealed. People from all over the world have read things that I have written. Would I have believed it in 2001?

Tomorrow, or rather this morning I have my appointment with a neurologist. My whole life I have felt awkward. I remember in summer camp as a child how I never could get the blue swim badge. Every year I earned the beginner red badge and I hated it. All I needed to do was dive off the edge of the pool into the water. Everyone else could do it, why couldn't I? I just couldn't get my body to do it. Cards are another thing I am uncomfortable with. I cannot shuffle them. It looks so easy, but I can't do it. These are such simple things but to me they are unobtainable. I still can't dive.

To keep from falling down stairs I hug the wall and hold onto the rail. I don't step down until I feel the edge of the step with my heel. I have taught myself to do that so I don't break my ankle again by falling down the stairs. Stepping on an escalator is a nightmare. I step and pray that I will keep my balance and judge the speed correctly so I don't fall.

What will the appointment be like? I am scared and nervous. Maybe I am just really clumsy and walk into walls, hit my head on the top of the opening of car doors and lose my balance while I am walking for no reason. Maybe I don't know my left from my right or mix up the greater than and less than symbols because I never really learned these concepts.

But I know I will share the results of my appointment with people I will never meet. People in other countries will stumble onto this blog and make judgements about me. Maybe they will think I ask for what I get in this marriage. Maybe they understand why I am still married and are having such a hard time letting go. Maybe they will reach out to me and comment on what I write so I don't feel so alone. This is possible because our world is so small. In a depression of a key on keyboard or the movement of a mouse people all over the world know a wanted man is killed and that a stay at home mom and hopeful teacher has a doctor appointment in the morning that could change her like. Disney was right: It's a small world after all.

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