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The Chronicles of Pern: First Fall

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Saturday, August 29, 2015


How do you know that you are alone?  Oh I have friends and people on Facebook that I am friends with.  I have my family and my children.  I have people I live with who make sure I am okay and still I feel alone.

Have a surgery, a "routine procedure".  My brother dropped me off and I was alone in the room as I was sliced and diced.  No one was waiting for me when I was done.  I waited patiently for him to come back and get me and when I got home I crawled into bed alone.

The guy I have been seeing for 9 months to the day of my "routine procedure" was in another city on vacation.  Okay he had a cold and was miserable too, but I was not near the top of his list of priorities.

Nine months and I am not a real part of his life.  Nine months and I have to have the talk with him.  Let me in our let me go.  I'm guessing that I will be on my merry way.

So here I am wanting to curl up in a ball confronted by a man.  Even when I was married my ex wouldn't comfort me either.  Maybe I crave it so much because I never had it.  I ache and I am crampy and no one warned me about the grey ash color leaking out of me.

In this last years I sat alone as my mother died, I sat alone as every event happened.  I'm alone and I hate it.

I have tried internet dating and I got nine months of an almost relationship.  Now I want the real thing.  Anyone know someone looking for a 47 year old decent person who is fun and a bit mischievous?  If I get one more request from a 19 year old or anyone under 30 I will scream.

I just want to recover with someone holding me and telling me it will be alright!

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