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Thursday, August 20, 2015

When People I Don't Know Tell Me About Who He Is

I've had so many emotions today.  Most involve my mom, but not all.  I wonder if losing her and how I feel about that has effected how I behave these last few days.

Of course while I am dealing with the loss of my mother my ex has turned up his attitude a few notches.  And it seems to be about food.  I think it is about control. And he just can't handle that other people help me out when I need help.

He is upset that I have a GoFundMe account.  He thinks it proves that I am lazy and not capable of supporting myself or my kids.  If he only knew how many job interviews I have been on and how I couldn't accept some jobs because I would have had to be working at the only times that I had my children.

He laughs at me because my car doesn't work well.  So I have to hit the starter with a hammer if it won't start.  It will start and it goes where I want it to go.  I wish I knew why he goes to such lengths to make me feel bad?  Does he even know what he says is rude?

I have met three people in recent weeks who have to deal with him as a customer and they all cringe when they see him come in.  It may be unprofessional of them but when I tell them I divorced him and I am so sorry they have to deal with him they open up to me and it saddens me to hear how awful he treats these people.  One told me that he made her cry.  No one deserves that.  Of course he wants to know who.  I refuse to tell him.  I know he will complain and I don;t want them fired because he is a jerk!

He provides me with food for the kids, one meal.  Of course not all the ingredients so I have to supplement with my own ingredients and often sides.  I live in a house with others and they allow me use of condiments and sometimes we will share what we make.  So none of us has to feed everyone.  He found out and now wants all leftovers and any uncooked food.

It doesn't matter if I add food, he wants the leftovers.  If I don't he has contacted his lawyer and because it is my time with the kids was told he doesn't have to supply me with food for them.  We made a deal and I have the text messages to prove it.  He agreed to supply me with food in the summer because I wasn't making much money.  Now he makes fun of me because I don't have a summer job, he says I am incapable, and is threatening to stop supplying the food.

I need to go to family court.  I need to not go through him.  I need to sever all ties with him.  We can't communicate.  I try and he just twists all I say and uses it against him.  I have permission to let me kids live with me.  Now I just need to try to get that ball in motion.

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