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Saturday, August 1, 2015

I Cleaned My Room!

I am surprisingly happy to say that the med dosage change is going well.  I have not gone insane.  No major mood swings, both my children are still alive and I feel good.  I have to admit I was expecting some issues and I am happy that I was wrong.  In fact the only side effect I have been experiencing is that I am more tired than usual.  Hopefully this means I don't really need them.

     The side effects of not taking them when I am supposed too are less than  before.  Honestly that makes this all worth while.  I think I stayed on Cymbalta as long as I did because I was afraid of the withdrawal effects.  At times it has been so bad that I couldn't function.  It wasn't depression it was the dizzy lightheaded feeling that overcomes you until there is nothing else you can think of.  I won't miss that feeling ever.

     I tackled my bedroom this week too.  I know — how boring!  Why am I sharing this with you?  First of all I never have been one to clean my bedroom.  I love a room of chaos I think.  When I was a child my room was a mess.  If I don't make an effort to clean it chaos wins everytime.  Well, there have been time when I was so depressed that I couldn't get out of bed.  I wouldn't do anything.  I wouldn't clean.  I wouldn't be me!  So it thrills me that when I am reducing my depression meds that I cleaned and rearranged my room.

Okay I admit it, I had ulterior motives.  My bookshelves are full and some of the things I own do not have a home in my room.  I have gone from a house, to a duplex to a smaller house and now to a room in a house.  My things have been weeded through, given away, thrown away and sold.  I look around my room and know that this is basically all I have left.  There are some things here and there elsewhere, but this room is what I and my thing have been reduced too.

     There is not much else I can sell, and believe me I could use the money.  There is not much I have that I don't grasp onto with an iron fist.  I lost so much in the last year losing anything else I view as important is not an option.  So I look at the books on my dresser because there is no room on my bookshelves and I made sure I could fit one more bookshelf in my room.  One more place to be home for things that mean a lot to me.

     So cleaning my room right now is a big deal.  That I wanted to do is a big deal and that my things have a place to go is a bigger deal!  That I am living in a house where the work I do is appreciate is glorious.  When I do the dishes and I get a thanks, my life is perfection.  I don't need my meds anymore.  I just need to be who I am and be around people who appreciate that.

    I need to introduce you to the newest member of my family, this is Hip Hop!  He is so cute and snuggly.  If you have been keeping track there are now two dogs (Tango and Hip Hop), five cats (Simone, Oliver, Cinder, Mitten and Munchkin) and three tarantulas (Hannah Montana, Strawberry and Red Knee) in our house.  I think we officially qualify as a zoo now.

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