I Give Up!

     I give up!  Just when there was a light at the end of the tunnel, it caves in.  I went to the grocery store came home and turned my car off.  Forty-five minutes later the car refused to turn on.  We tried to jump start it, but it didn't work.  The car lights turned on.  The blinkers blinked just like they were supposed too.  My power windows worked just fine and my radio was loud and clear.
Still when I turned the key, nothing else happened.  The car wouldn't start.  Not even a click, nothing.

I have job interviews to get to in the next two weeks.  I have a tutoring job that I need to get to twice a week.  So I need to figure out how to do all of this without a car.  It is in the driveway.  There is no reason to get it towed, I can afford the repair.  Work doesn't start for another month and I'm done.

Don't worry I won't do anything stupid or crazy.  I just feel defeated by the universe.  I want to throw up my arms and surrender.

This was the day last year that we really lost Mom.  She didn't die until the 20th but the 13th was the

day she left us.  I wasn't here.

I remember when I left and she was sitting in her chair.  I hugged her and told her I loved her and left.  Got to the gas station and realized I forgot my purse.  Classic me and classic mom.  She did that all the time too.  I came home and "caught her" eating picked herring out of the jar.  She looked like a child who was caught with their hand in the cookie jar.  We both smiled and laughed.  That will forever be my last memory and moment with my mom.

So Universe the last 18 months has been enough.  I can't take any more.  Every time I seem to be pulling ahead it finds a way to keep me in the exact same place.   Please let me be and pick on someone else!