Wednesday, June 1, 2011
The Day After
August 9th was the big day almost fourteen years ago. I walked down that aisle and said my vows. One of those vows was to remain faithful. I stayed true to my vows.
So today we talked. It was the longest conversation that we have had in months. There was no yelling, no screaming and no violence. He even admitted what he did. Though he tried to blame me for it. Even with that attempt we stayed civil.
We talked about custody. I would have custody of the children and he would get visitation, he would like every other weekend. Right now I am okay with that. For holidays, he would have Christmas Eve (his family has a huge party that night) and I would get Christmas. I would have the day before Easter and he would have Easter Sunday. He would have Thanksgiving (We always spent Thanksgiving with his family) and I would have Black Friday, which is my families traditional Thanksgiving Dinner day.
We talked about furniture, stoves and beds. I want a new bed and he gets our old one. He still needs to find a place to live. Only so much can get done in a day. I too have to find a new place. His mother will not let me stay in the house with the kids. If Dennis had custody they could stay here. Since that is not an option we too have to move. She thinks I am destructive. I don't have to deal with her anymore so she can think what she wants.
I was fine until he left the house. I started feeling anxiety. I stayed strong and focused on the routine of homework and bedtime. I read the stories and the kids and I talked. They are only concerned about sleepovers with Daddy. It seems the want them to start asap. They seem to accept the situation with positive attitudes.
We sat down with them when they came home from school and talked. It was only when I said that Daddy and Mommy would be living in different houses that they seemed upset. But once they learned that they would still see Daddy often they accepted it and seemed fine with it.
After they went to bed and the house was quiet I started to cry. The anxiety was overwhelming and I worried about looking for a place to live. I haven't ever had to look for an apartment or a place to live. The closest was finding a room to rent when I lived in another city for an internship. Then there is the job issue, I still don't have one.
I guess I will be visiting some day cares since I have had no real teaching bites yet. That will get me through the summer and hopefully I will be able to sub in the fall. Even if I had a sub job now I would still need to find a summer job so I could afford a place to live in September.
Today was almost too much, I am glad we seem to be settling this with out issue so far, but soon lawyers will get involved. If all goes well I will be single by our anniversary. I never thought I would be single again. What a day after!