Daily Journal

I started a journal of my life in this house. Mostly of how he treats me. How I feel.

4:00 3-18-2009

Asked our son “Why shouldn't I smack you until you are unconscious”

5:00 He calls me an ungrateful bitch because he can’t understand how I spend money.

5:05 Calls me a Dumb Ass. In front of children.

I am so tired of telling you what I spend money one, how I spent it and when only to get yelled at by you. Oh and it isn’t just once. It is over and over again.

I don’t hide what I spend from you; if I did I wouldn’t ever hear the end of it. Unfortunately even when I tell you, you forget and somehow that becomes my fault. You forget, how is that my fault?

I write it down for you, I tell you over and over again and still you forget. You withdrawal hundreds of dollars in cash for whatever and we bounce. Is it ever your fault, NO!!!!

No matter how much money you spend in your eyes I am always the one who has made the mistake.

No matter what fight we have it is always my fault and you never cause it, at least in your eyes.

I am not always wrong. I don’t forget to tell you how I spend money, Everything wrong or bad that happens to us is not caused by me. Stop pinning it on me. I am not perfect. I also am not as horrible as you think I am.

5:42- I remember you used to say nice things to me, like “Were still on one.” I can’t even remember the last nice thing you said to me. Now you spit at me, push me into the wall, smack me in the head. Still here I am, why? I don’t know how to get away. With my children. I need to protect them and I don’t trust you with them. As mean as you are to me you are the same to them.

8:45 – I lost the remote in our bedroom, so of course that led to him picking on my Wood Badge and me. He hates that I spent money on this. In his mind it is useless and frivolous. I hate listening to it and he keeps pushing my decision and me. He does not respect my decisions or me. He spends hundreds on a hockey game but If I spend any amount on scouts it is stupid.

9:00 he goes out to shop for pop. He is gone for over an hour. Why is he gone so long for pop?