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Saturday, May 2, 2009

He THINKS the kids are playing at a friends

I visited with my parents this afternoon and so my spouse was I assumed watching the children. I should have known better. I come home to a backyard full of toys scattered about and wood piled on my porch that I specifically told my son, in front of his father, that he needed to clean up and put away before I came back. I climb over all the piles and walk in the house, no children and there he is sleeping on the couch.

I woke him up and asked where the children were and he said that he thinks they are at a friends house. This has happened before, he has even not known that the children were at a friends house down the street. That was both children, including our daughter who was three at the time.

I am not going to yell at him about this, I am beyond yelling. I sometimes wonder if it worth my effort to even work on our marriage. I keep doing all I can and don't see him making any effort except telling me he loves me more. This is just wearing me down and I don't think I can keep doing it for long.

I see my psychologist and psychiatrist next week. Maybe that will help. It really does help me to get another person's perspective. I am just so tired of this struggle. Do I give up or do I keep fighting for this marriage? How do I even know if it is?

He accidently breaks things and doesn't feel a need to apologize. He is selfish, he only remembers to do things if it will help him. I try to do all I can so he can get help for himself, again and again he pushes that help away. I don't think he believes that I am on the edge and about to jump off. This week will be an instrumental week in what I decide and that decision is coming soon.

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