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Saturday, May 16, 2009

An Ordinary Day


Today was an ordinary day. Noting exciting and better yet nothing awful happened. We didn't fight and we managed to go to a family gathering without anything negative happening. I'll take a day like today, I would like a month like today. It was relaxing and low stress. Ordinary is what I want.

It was a birthday party for my nephew. My husband was sociable and pleasant to be around. It was like the first few years of our marriage. Those were the good years. The years when we had fun. The years when we didn't worry about money. Those were the years when I was working. I was able to get out of the house and mingle with friends on a regular basis.

We would be spontaneous and just do things in the moment. Oh how I miss those days. I miss playing poker and having a game night with friends. I miss quiet evenings at home where we would play a board game and be able to leave it set up overnight if we didn't finish playing it.

I love being a mommy, but I miss being a wife. Today being a mommy is how I function most of the time. Everyday I have to get the children to play nicely with each other, I have to keep them from hurting each other. I have to break up fights between all three other members of my family. Though today I didn't have to much of that.

Today was the kind of day I want more of. I want them to play outside with friends and not have to stand guard to make sure nothing horrible happen. I want to be able to talk with other adults without having to cringe whenever my spouse opens his mouth because I am afraid of what he might say.

I don't know what was different about today, but I didn't cringe when he spoke. I didn't worry that my son would hurt one of the other children playing with him. I sat down and talked with adults, I had my children playing nicely outside. I sat next to my husband on a couch and didn't pull away when he touched me. Today was just an ordinary day, a glorious ordinary day.

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