I find myself almost envious of his teacher because she now has the opportunity to spend time with him when he is at his best. I miss all of that. By the time he gets home the meds are waring off and he starts to stim again. He has trouble with his impulse control and at some point that evening I know he will do something to cross the discipline line and I am going to have to be the mean mommy.
I also have to keep on eye on his interactions with daddy, because daddy is the same way and when they both blow at the same time I have to get in between them. It is an awkward position for a wife and mommy to be in. You want to protect your child and at the same time support your spouse. I now find myself protecting my child more than supporting my spouse. That of course does not help us work out our problems. He really doesn't know how scary he can be.
I had my appointment with my psychiatrist and we talked about my marital problems and I mentioned scenarios where we have some major issues and he gave me advice on how to handle them better. The only thing is the advice he gave me was almost exactly what I have been doing. It helped me to know I have been doing many things just as good as I could. I have good instincts on what needs to be dome to fix our marriage. Now if I only could figure out how to get him to work on fixing our marriage too.
I have been researching who to call if I have to take this to the next step. Though the way we are living now is as close to a separation as we could get while still living in the same house. He is sleeping on the couch until I decide otherwise. He was living out of his car for a couple of days, but he was having too much fun. This way at least we both spend time with the children and can still go out and have fun once in a while knowing the other one is home with the kids.
I see how meds are helping my sons behavior and I can't help but wonder what they would do for my husband. I wish he would listen to doctors and believe that they really do know what they are doing. He is so quick to point out those who don't take advantage of modern medicine and die or end up sicker, but he won't take the meds he needs and won't get help for his emotional issues that he has because he sees that as a weakness.