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Saturday, April 25, 2009

How Do You Parent When the Other Parent Acts Like a Child

Today I worked in my garden and the kids were "helping" me out. Of course somethings got put in the wrong places, and "help" didn't mean the same to the kids and me. I had to ask him for help a couple times and I thought (wrongly) that he understood what help means.

I was up to my elbows in dirt and needed something thrown away. My son couldn't do it himself and Daddy was not nice when I asked him for help. He never is so I don't know why I thought today would be different. He couldn't even hand me the empty bin. He threw it just short of my reach.

Then I realized that one chore I had assigned my son wasn't done. It was just putting a rake away. It was a rake he brought up front for no reason and I had asked him to take it back to the garage. That was when I started gardening. When I finished the patch I was working on the rake was still there and I called him back to clean it up. Well, he was playing hockey with daddy and daddy wasn't going to "let" him finish his chore until the game was over. Oh now I was livid. How dare he put playing ahead of a chore. He actually was upset that I made our son finish his chore.

Now he and our son are yelling at each other about a snack. I really sometimes have a hard time distinguishing father and son from their behaviors. They both have the same quirks and mannerisms and they both get me so upset when I have to deal with them booth at the same time. Honestly it wouldn't be so bad if one of them wasn't a grown up.

If I could depend on him for help once in a while without a fight I would be much happier. The next part of gardening is to replant my topsy Turney planters. Each one can hold 40 - 50 lbs of dirt and I need help taking them down and hanging them back up. I remember the battle we had last year. It was like getting a teenager to help out at home. I am actually considering calling a friend to help because asking my husband for help is so draining.

Whenever I ask him for help his answer is "Why can't you do it?" sometimes I can but usually if I am asking for help I really need it. I might be up to my elbows in dirt, or hanging a 50 lb. planter. There are many various things people do need help for and I would think a husband would want to occasionally help out his wife. I help him out all the time without complaining. I am tired of being the only adult in this relationship. How do you parent your children when your spouse acts like one of the children?

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