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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Magic of Hugs

I can't remember when before today he gave me a hug. So I am fighting off a bad cold, fever, sore throat, basically the worse thing when you have two children home on vacation from school. He sits on the bed next to me and I just feel awful so I asked him for a hug. It would have been better only if he had hugged me without a prompt. Oh that hug felt wonderful. It lasted a long time and then our daughter saw us.

She wanted a family sandwich, I laughed at the term and wondered where she had heard it. We used to have family hugs all the time when the children were younger. I wonder when they stopped. Well, stopped isn't correct anymore since we had one today. So I wonder when the last one was. It's hard to estimate how long we have been without hugs as a family. It's not like we logged when we hugged on a calender to keep track of them.

I love hugs. There is something magical about them. They can help heal most deep emotional wounds. But Dennis and I have stopped hugging. We don't make up after arguments and we just don't get close anymore. It is hard to heal a wound as big as we have if we are never close enough for the edges to start to heal.

In that moment that we shared that hug I felt close to him. In that moment I thought maybe we can make it work. I guess that is how people start to heal. It starts with just a moment. Just one moment can start a relationship or stop one. I can only hope that this moment today that reminded me of our love that we shared so long ago will start ours up again. Because I am so close to leaving I have been more vocal with my feelings.

He knows I am almost done with us. I won't give up without a fight. I worked hard to get a family and I will work just as hard to keep it. I was told I would never be able to have children. I worked hard to get those babies. I with work just as hard to save my marriage. Maybe a hug is enough magic to help start the healing. I know I can still feel that hug as I write this and I ache for another one. All long journeys start with a small step. Could our marriage start to heal with this one magic hug?

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