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The Chronicles of Pern: First Fall

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Friday, April 10, 2009

Welcome Home

It only took six hours for him to go back to his old self. Of that short time we were hardly together. I took advantage of the opportunity to get out alone and get things for Easter. Things he would think of as frivolous. Unnecessary items for an adult but priceless treasures for a child. I will do all I can to make sure our children enjoy all the magic of childhood. That of course includes the Easter Bunny.

This will be the first time in years that they can have a real Easter Egg Hunt outside on the grass. To him any money I spend is wrong. Now he is threatening to route the money out of the joint account so I cannot touch it. Then he will have all the power. Everything will revolve around him. I need a job so I can get out from under his thumb.

I want to go back to school to keep myself from depending on him. The more he tries to control me and break me the more I want to be away from him. What's worse is the children are also staying away from him when he is home. They stay with me almost all the time when all four of us are home. Daddy gets to sit on the couch and watch his sports in peace and I watch Dora, Diego and Max and Ruby.

Now it is after bedtime. He goes out to spend time with a friend. My son is asleep, but for how long. My daughter is awake, she is the child who never sleeps. She has noticed that Daddy isn't home and gets upset. Where is Daddy? Why is he gone? Is he coming back? So I calm her down and she is in her room at last. I fight this battle every night. It never gets easier. Thank goodness for the few mommy night outs I get. I had wanted to spend time with him tonight. I thought maybe we could talk again. Somethings needs to change or I think I will just go insane soon.

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